Vegetative.

Just dropping by to say that I've been living the glorious live of vegging for the past 3 weeks ever since the semester was done. Glorious, I say. No school, no studying, no problem. I sleep when I want, I get up when I want, I run errands when I want. Normal life, I have missed you so.

Christmas was made of wins, and I'm hoping it is the same for New Year. I'll try to follow up with a longer post to sum up 2008, but in the meanwhile this will do.

I wish all of you are having a wonderful holiday and all the best in the new year!

The Nurse Book.

I was browsing rows of children books for birthday gifts (I try to give books instead of toys) at a local budget bookstore when I came across this Nurse book for kids and I fell in love with it. I thought it was so cute and clever that I can't resist not buying it. It has little explanations of what a nurse does and the different type of nurses with pictures of equipments used. It's no neat! Even the cashier told me, "Isn't this the cutest thing ever?!" as I paid for it.

I'm keeping it as a keepsake, and oneday I'll give it to my kid(s). Let it be said that my kid(s) will grow up reading books, and this will be one of them. Gah, I can't get over how cute it is. I'm such a dork!

Let it snow!

White flurries started to fall this Wednesday afternoon, and as my friends and I sat at a bar celebrating the end of the semester, those small white flurries turned to snow flakes that fell from the sky as if it was a white curtain drawing close our stage as we finished "The Final Exams" scene of Act I of "The Senior Year". It couldn't be a more fitting closure to this chaotic first half of our play. We started off with Hurricane Ike and ended with a freezing weather topped with snow. Darn that mother nature! But for now, we can rest in our dressing room for a 6 weeks intermission before Act II starts.

And for the record, the last time it snowed in this city was 4 years ago. And when it does snow, it's never that much snow, so excuse us for going ga-ga with this snow thing because we don't usually get this kind of thing down here.

Let me shout it out, because I can: I AM D.O.N.E! Done done done done done!!!! I can't describe how relieve I am that it is all over and I can finally breathe again. Today's final was fair, much like the Pedi final. I passed that Adult final with flying colors and rounded up a high B for the class. It feels really good to finally be able to say "I have one semester left in nursing school"--a little scary too, but good, nonetheless.

Like I have mentioned before, I have 6 weeks intermission before Act II starts. 6 weeks that I am very much looking forward to spend enjoying a normal life. SUUUHHHWWWEEEET!!!

Finals update

Okay, Pedi final? It was great and it was fair. Me likes. Bagged a B for the semester in that one.

Psych final, on the other hand, was an atrocity of epic proportion. It was brutal and it was verbose. I thought I was supposed to take a Mental Health exam not a Literature exam where we're supposed to analyze a character's (or client's in this case) statements and read between the lines to figure out which one out of four awfully similar statements is the correct one. 100 questions of a lot of this type of question, my goodness, that was one painfully long final. One question is like a paragraph taken out of a Faulkner novel. Jebus.... And you know you're not the only one with this sentiment when everyone else said the same exact thing afterward.

Needless to say, I scored one point away from a B on that final, yielding me a high C for the semester. Dammit, I was thatclose to a B! But I'm glad I pass after my not so hot performance on the first exam of this class.

Tomorrow is adult and because I scored a high A on the mini-HESI last week that counted 20%, I have a lot of cushion. And because of that, I'm procrastinating right now. And I get to, because I've been studying non stop since I got back from Thanksgiving break and I can't take it anymore. I'm taking it easy tonight.

Tomorrow is the day I'm officially done with Senior I. WOOT!

The play.

Act I of "The Senior Year" is almost done. The curtain is ready to close the stage for a 6 weeks intermission. The final number of Act I start tomorrow, and it's called "The Final Exam". I am one already tired and cranky participant of this production, and I can't wait to prop my feet up on the couch in my dressing room during intermission.

I'm envisioning how glorious Wednesday after 3 pm will be as we finish this Act. We'll finish "The Final Exam" and the curtain will draw close, and we are done. Oh, how the sky will open up, revealing a chorus of angels singing a melodious song of freedom. Oh, sweet sweet freedom, I can taste it. I'm ready for it. I can't wait for it. I want it. I need it.

Just three more days. Three more days of being stuck with textbooks and staring at notes after notes. Three more days until I can sweep those books and notes off my bed and crash until however long my body desires. Three more days until I can sleep in, instead of waking up at an ungodly hour of the morning to start all over again the routine with the books and notes. Three more days until I don't have to worry about what to study the next day.

Just three more days until the 6 weeks intermission will start before the curtain will open again for Act II of "The Senior Year". I'm not going to pass out on the stage just yet. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Just three more days....

Back to business.

After a glorious Thanksgiving, it's time to get back to business: studying for finals. This Thursday, the school decided to give us a "mini-HESI" as they call it, as if we don't have enough stressors already. Then, next Monday is Peds final, Tuesday is Psych final, and Wednesday is Adult final, and then I am done as Senior I.

I have zero motivation to study at the moment, but I'm pushing myself to. My whole class and I are just so freaking tired of this chaotic semester already, that we lost the drive to finish off the last 2 weeks. We just hanging around, trying to find whatever left of our energy to study and get these last 2 weeks of the semester over and done with. Our grades have been all over the place and lower than usual all semester long, and a lot of people aren't happy, and my goodness, this semester sucks, and we just want to pass it, darnit!!! Keep us in your prayers, it's been a very hard 4 months for us, with Hurricane Ike screwing us up big time, and we're trying to survive 2 more weeks with our sanity intact. I surely hope all of you reading have a better time the last 4 months, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

For the rest of the week, I will be chained to my desk, please come visit and say "Hi" as I will see very little--if none at all--of the outside world for the rest of the week.

Aaahhh.

This weekend has been better than a glass of red wine after a 12 hour shift.

Yes, that good.

I mean, I still did some schoolworks, namely process recording and care plan, but it was minimal compare to the time I spent doing other things, which is a reverse from the usual.

I got to go out with my friends and family. I got to not worry about studying for exams. I got to bake. I got to be silly and laughs freely. I got to spend time outside of my home and the hospitals. I got to play games. I got to go to a sleepover with the girls. I got to drink socially, not to relieve stress. I got to dance. I got to eat till I felt like exploding. I got to party. I got to have girlschat to the wee hour of the morning. I got to take pictures and practice taking good pictures. I got to relax on my bed with laptop on my lap editing pictures.

I got to have fun and live a normal life again. It was wonderful.

Granted, finals prep begin next week. I have to resume the abnormal life even during Thanksgiving week because we have what we have termed the "Non-HESI HESI" (don't ask) a week after Turkey Day, so studying will be on full swing soon enough until finals are over on the 10th. Then, I get to live normally again until my last semester starts January 20th. I just said last semester, oh goodness gracious how could it be.... I'll girl flip out about that later.

So this weekend was nice, I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. But then again, I always wish tomorrow wasn't Monday every Sunday. So...yeah....

I hope your weekend was great, too.
From the bachelorette party:

Clumsy McKlutzy.

I had just spilled Starbucks all over me right as lecture began this morning.

Great.

It's one of those bottled frappuccino. I thought there was a only a little left in the bottle, so I tilted the bottle more, and well, out poured those brown sticky liquid. At least I sat all the way to the back so probably (and hopefully) no one saw my prime moment there. However, my shirt is now covered with coffee stain and I smell like spilled coffee.

Great.

Oh, and yesterday I dropped my Kolache. I truly have impaired motor function....

But anyway, this week is one of those non-stop kind of week, but in a good way. I think....

1. Monday was an exam and class until the evening.

2. Tuesday is a morning lecture and a night support group meeting we have to do report on for Psych.

3. Wednesday is my last ICU clinical (a post on that coming soon), which is also my last clinical of the semester. Woot! Goodbye 12 hours shift, till I see you again next semester! Oh, and a little happy hour after said clinical with a school friend. Tee hee!

4. Thursday is another morning to noon-ish meeting for Psych, then a trip to a party store to get stuff for my best friend's bachelorette party, then a baking night with my friend Y--a.k.a. the Goddess of baking, which is also for my best friend's bachelorette party, which I'm super stoked about.

5. Friday is, well, the day I will slave away finishing process recording and 1001 kinds of reports and other papers. Joy....

6. Saturday is, my best friend's bachelorette party!!! Woohooo!!! :D :D :D

7. Sunday is a trip to Texas Renaissance Festival with my family.

So this week I'd get to spend some quality time with my family and friends! For the first time in...oh I don't know, months! And I'm not spending my weekend nose deep in textbooks! And I get to paaartaay and have fun instead! An actual free time!

Oh, how I thought I'd never see the light of this again.....

I hope your week is great as well!

This is the hour.

So one of my patients recently gave my preceptor and I a scare just a couple hours short of the change of shift after being stable the whole day. That is not fun--and not pretty. The day in the life of a critical care unit, never a dull moment and rarely a predictable day.

You know it's going downhill when you see the BP reading at the monitor, think "Okay, that's not good", tell your preceptor who is nearby, immediately adjust the cuff on patient, hit the Go button again while silently willing the new number to be higher, therefore rendering the previous number a false reading, only to see that the new number is lower, and when you look at your preceptor, she has the same look that you have on your face--which is the "Oh sh**" face. Oh and then the patient is yelping out in pain. I'll say this again: not pretty.

I'll spare you the details of the "Oh sh**" hour that followed, but we thought the patient was bleeding internally and was crashing on us, which turned out to be not the case, but we didn't know that for a good 30 minutes or so trying to figure out what the heck was going and how to manage it while waiting for the stat H&H result to come back. Luckily, the patient was stabilized within an hour and everything went back to being peachy again, like nothing happened.

When I finally got out of my shift, obviously later than I usually do, I rounded up the corner to the waiting area, where a family member who was in the room when it all started had to be escorted out because the shift was ending, therefore visiting hour was too before it resumes 2 hours later. I had told the family member that I'd give an update if I could before the shift ended, but if that wasn't the case, I'd drop by on my way out. So I did.

She immediately stood up when she saw me, I smiled at her and told her that her family has been stabilized, her BP back to the normal range and the pain controlled, and was currently sleeping. I could see the worry in her eyes subsided as I delivered the news. Now, that is pretty. As I made my way home, I was once again reminded of why I'm still here doing this. For a moment like those, when you see your patient sleeping comfortably after what could lead to otherwise, and when you see the family take that deep breath of relief after the gripping worries.

I know that the "Oh sh**" moment does not always lead to this, but it's always nice and appreciated when it does.

Feel free to share any "Oh sh**" moment you have had.

First.

AB was my first patient to die. Since the moment I came on that morning, we knew that it was going to happen soon because AB was in grave condition post cardiac arrest. What I didn't knew was whether AB was going to pass on my shift or not. Doctors, palliative care, and chaplain have been filtering in and out of the room that morning to inform the family of AB's prognosis and what can be done should they decide to go for aggressive treatments or what will be done should they decide to end all life support measures.

The family needed more time to decide, and all day my preceptor and I took care of her while waiting for the family to decide. It was obvious to me that AB was very loved, it was evident by the numerous members of family who came by, and how distraught they were of the possibility that that day was the day AB could pass away. My heart went to them.

It hit a little too close to home. My family and I were in their shoes a little over 3 months ago when we have to decide what we wanted to do for Grampa. I knew of that anger of wanting to do more, just to have them with us one day more. I knew of that hope of a miracle, that by the grace of God they'd come back. I knew of that love that allowed us to see and choose what was best for them and not us, the love that allowed us to let them go.

I never thought my first patient death could come this soon. I knew that I will encounter it in my career, but I've had it in my mind that it'd happen when I'm already a nurse, not a student. I'm okay with it though, it didn't make me emotional like I thought I could be because of Grampa. I'm glad I wasn't emotional, it wasn't me place to be because at a time like that, it should be about the family and how I can be a help for them.

Toward the end of the shift, AB's sister came out of the room and asked me who she could talk to "to take the machine off." I informed my preceptor, and the arrangement was being made. I was in the room when the doctor informed the family of the event that will follow, and that brought me back to when the nurse handed me a brown bag of meds that we could give to my Grampa to keep him comfortable and when the home health nurse told us that his time was near. That morning I've thought about what this meant for me, seeing this all too familiar scenario played in front of me soon after my own loss. I didn't know how I would feel if I had the chance to witness this, I only knew how to be there for the family and care for AB the best I knew how.

Sometimes during that shift, I had the chance to talk to AB's sister. At one point, she asked me about nursing school and the hardship that comes with it. I told her that it is indeed not easy, but it comes with having experience to know what to do in caring for someone in her sister's situation. She said, "I'm sure you'd have your (off) time here and there, but you will get there." I chuckled, "Oh I'm sure I've had plenty of my (off) times just in today alone." She smiled, "And that's okay, but you keep telling yourself you'll be good. It'll come to you." "I hope so," I told her.

AB passed away an hour before the shift ended. I wasn't in the room then, I was at the nurses station watching the monitor (the monitor in AB's room had been turned off) and chronicling the vital signs as AB left this world. The doctor asked what time it was when the flat line appeared. "1804," I told him, looking at the strip print out. "1804," he repeated as he looked at the strip, then he went to AB's room to tell the family.

I'd remember always remember sitting at the nurses station and looking up to see AB sister rounding that corner of the nurses station toward the exit door about 45 minutes after AB's death, and as she waved goodbye to my preceptor sitting a couple feet away from me, she also waved and pointed at me to make sure I knew she meant me when she said, "And you. You will be good."

And now, when there's a thousand things running in my mind due to a recent school related conflict that make me doubt myself, when I keep asking myself if I had what it takes to be a good nurse, I'll remember that kind lady, who, in the midst of her sorrow, still took time to be an encourager and told me that I will be good. And I'll always remember what I told her as she left, not only that I hope so, but I will. I will be good.

Children.

I was waiting for the elevator after my last Peds shift at the children hospital today. Once it opened, I waited for a little bit to let people out when this little boy, about 5 years old, called, "Come on, Lady, come on in." A lady in the back chuckled at the boy, while who appeared to be the boy's mom shook her head in amusement. I smiled and said "Hi" as I stepped in, and the boy's brother, who was about the same age and standing on the other side of the elevator, promptly asked, "And which floor you're going, Mam?" I laughed as I told them, "One, please, and thank you."

For the rest of our ride, the two boys asked whoever came in, mostly physicians, which floor they were going. One of them boys even asked one of the doctor, "Do you know how my heart rate is?" and the everyone in the elevator erupted into laughter. Those boys were just too precious, too adorable, and so innocent. This is why I want to work with children.

How about that election? Wow, history was made. To be honest, I'm not really into politics, although, I believe I would've looked more into in had I could vote. People have asked me who I would vote for, and I 've always said I don't know because I haven't educated myself on the two candidates. However, I've always felt a leaning toward the now president elect, Barrack Obama. I've been in this country long enough to see three presidential elections including last night, and I've never seen a candidate that grabbed my attention like he does. I'm glad he won, and I hope he lives up to all the hype about him.

Made.

Today was Psych exam #2, aka judgment day of some sort because I failed the first one miserably so I needed to make at least 75 on this one and at least a 75 on the Final to make that passing grade of 72 at the end of the semester. So this exam is a make or break for me, if I make below 75, the chance of me passing is slimmer than if I make above. I hated Psych with passion, and the instructors elicit the same sentiment out of me. It's just not my forte, I always feel like I'm in rut with this class. I know I'm not the only one feeling like this, the whole class does too.

The past few days have been a pressure cooker for me. I've studied and studied, practiced questions on the NCLEX book, doubted myself more than I can count, and it was just so draining. This morning anxiety was in overdrive, I kept reminding myself to calm down, trying not to hyperventilate. When I got to school, all the faces I saw were those of nervousness. It was just not a pretty sight at all.

We had a review right after the exam, and let me tell you, test review in this Psych is like a an outlet for that pent up anger. We're all frustrated and the instructors are just not helping, and yeah, it can get pretty hostile in there. Again, not a pretty sight.

But I made it. I passed, with an 84!!!! I was beyond relieved. I believed my faith played a part in that. I've also been praying for the past few days, so have my friends and family, and we believe prayers do work. I'm a testament for that today. I can't explain it electronically here, I can't describe how tricky the questions can be, how hard the instructors are on us. 84 might sound like a no big deal for some, but when you made a 66 on the first exam, 84 is a big deal. So. relieved.

Now, it's time to hit the book for another test next week. Ah, the life of a nursing student.

Happy voting, everyone! I'm not a citizen or permanent resident, so I can't vote. I wish I could....

Has it really been that long?

I realized today that my Grampa has been gone for 3 months yesterday. It's a weird feeling, like he's been gone forever. We've carried on like normal ever since he passed, but I notice the emptiness in this house. The void he left that no one else can fill in and I wonder how we've managed to live with that all this time.

I think of him a lot, and I miss him terribly. I can still see him at the kitchen table reading newspaper as I go down the stairs on Sunday morning. I can still see him sitting by the window in his room reading a book, the same way I like to sit by the window and read my book. I can still see him sleeping on his bed when I woke him up to say goodbye before I left to New York, I told him I'll be back in August and I'll see him then. I can still see him nodded and said my name when Gramma asked if he knew who I was when I flew back from New York for that one fateful weekend. I can still see him lying unmoved when I confirmed his death after Gramma woke me up at 6 am that morning to come look at him because he wasn't moving. And I can still feel how cold his skin was when I held his hands for one last time before they took him away to the funeral home.

I wonder how would it be had I not gone to New York for the internship. Would I catch him getting sicker sooner? Would this turn out differently? I know I'm not to blame, it happened the way it's meant to happen, but I just wonder.... I don't know why this hits me harder 3 months later. Maybe because I thought he'd be here still? That I'd see him in his room when I came back from New York like I told him before I left?

The house is quieter without him. I miss hearing the Chinese music coming out of his room, I miss hearing his voice, his conversation with Gramma. He's a great man, my Grampa. I just wish he could tell me what he's been doing in heaven....

Random Monday musing.

Did this morning stupidly: was about to step onto the bus only to realize that I forgot my ID badge which has my Metro card. Ended up driving to school this morning, blah.

Seen this morning: a man driving near medical center vicinity in an old vintage car with the roof open and the license plate reads "APGAR X". Well, alright then Mr. OB/GYN/Neonatalogist, carry on....

Received this morning: a bar of quite a fancy chocolate from a friend out of the blue right before lecture starts. I like friends who give little surprises, made my Monday. :)

Popped up in my mind this morning: a quote by a mother of a patient as told by the night shift nurse to me and preceptor as we were getting report. Mom sought the nurse because the kid was crying in the middle of the night, when nurse came, mom said to said nurse, "Can you please calm him down? He needs some human contact." Most outrageous quote I have ever heard in a hospital setting.

Watched this morning on the laptop before lecture: Gossip Girl episode from season 1. Shut up, I'm trying to catch up with TV shows these days. I'm trying to stay connected to the outside pop culture world here....

As my friend's, Kate, license plate says.

You know it's gonna be a good clinical day when went to Starbucks to get a slice of banana nut loaf for breakfast and the barista says, "Oh I put two in there (bag) because they're small," and you know one small slice is actually enough for you but two small slices mean you have a slice for breakfast and you also have a slice for a snack later, for the price of one! Suuuhhhweeeeet!

And you also know it's gonna be a good clinical day when you're actually planning to pay for parking because you don't think anyone will go into your friend's apartment (where you usually park for free) gate at 6:15 am, therefore you can't tailgate a car in (because you don't have the code to get in, you have to call the friend to open the gate and you don't want your friend to hate you for calling her at 6:15 am), but when you pass the apartment you actually see a car turning into the complex, meaning you can get in and actually park for free! Suuuuhweeeeet!

And you also know you can finally have a break because you don't have exams for the next 3 weeks, meaning you can finally have back a semblance of your life that has been put on the back burner since school started. Case and example: I spent the weekend not touching any textbook and notes and I went to see the Duchess and the Secret Life of Bees. Suuuhhhweeeeeeet!

So as Kate's license plate says, my life, for the time being, is SUHWEET!!!!

SERIOUSLY??!!

Like I don't have enough with the test anxiety this morning, I just had to fall down the stairs this morning as I was leaving my house. The universe hates me. What have I done to you, oh dear mighty universe, to have incur this wrath of yours??!!

Because really, I was already freaked out enough about the exam, and I was going the last half of the stairwell when I suddenly tripped, landed on my shins, proceeded to sled uncontrollably down the stairs, and in the process managed to bang my right wrist. Apparently nursing school has caused me an altered motor function or something, because I wasn't even wearing heels! I was wearing flats as flat as a Tanner II breast! Now I have a 4 cm ecchymosis on my wrist (on the carpometacarpal joint site to be exact) that is tender to touch and slightly edematous. *grumbles*

Needless to say, after being a little shaken after the tumble, I went to school and took the exam. Let me just say that faculty should just hand us Lorazepam as they hand out the exam, because really, we all need an antianxiety this semester. Anyway, I passed the test with a higher than expected grade.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm telling to stop because no! While you may think there's a correlation between falling down the stairs before exam and making a higher grade, I am not planning to to fall on anymore stairs anywhere. Unless the universe thinks I'm a child of Chucky or something that it feels the need to send me tumbling again.

Dear universe,
I'm nice. I'm kind. I help people. I try to recycle. I try to be mindful to the environment. Please give me a break. Please don't send me tripping and falling anymore. Please don't fail my exams. I promise I'll be even nicer, like do more volunteer work nice or pet Cookie the dog more kind of nice. Capiche?
Kthanxbye.

Imagery.

All I want to do right now is be where all I hear is the rhythmic whir of waves coming onto the beach and the wind smells of the ocean, and when I collapse from this exhaustion, the sand feels soft and warm. I see crystal blue water as far as my eyes can take me, and under the hood of the palm leaves covering my face from the shining sun and with the cool breeze shielding me from the heat, I would doze of to sleep, oh yes I would. Those muscle kinks from hours of sitting down studying and standing on my feet in clincials will relax, and all thoughts of exams, care plans, med sheets, classrooms, and hospitals will go to the land far far away. Oh how life is good, I would think to myself as I drift to a deep sleep.

But suddenly, I was awaken by the deafening sound of a child's scream. A tourist kid who's been playing quietly in the sand got his toe bitten by a crab. Just as I entered back to the conscious world, I'd tell myself it must have been sucked to be that kid. But then I realized my life sucks too because I remember yesterday I had filled up my gas tank early in the morning before clinical paying $3.19/gallon only to find out by the time I got out of clinical 13 hours later, gas was $2.99/gallon at the very same gas station.

Sorry kid, life is tough, at least you're not losing your toe. I, on the other hand, might as well lose my mind because after feeling like I've been beaten down for 3 weeks in the row from studying after studying for exam after exam and clinical after clinical, I still won't get a break to catch my breath until next Sunday because I have Peds exam #2 Monday, a Computer Literacy exam, process recording, and Psych care plan due Tuesday, a Peds care plan and 3-11 pm Psych clinical Wednesday, a possible 7a-7p Adult clinical Thursday, another 3-11 pm Psych clinical Friday, and a 7a-7p Peds clinical Saturday.

I thought last semester was bad, I thought after that was over this semester will be better and I'll have more free time. Hahahhaha hahahhah free time hahhaha. NO.

How do people make it out of nursing school alive with their sanity intact??!!! I need to know of this secret. I feel like I've been pushed to a territory of tiredness and chaos I never know existed. I'm running on fumes these days.

Oh my beach, crystal blue water, ocean breeze, and palm tree--without a crab bitten screaming kid of course--where be you?

Bottom.

I failed my first Psych exam today. Even though I kind of had an idea that I won't do too well and that I might even fail, it still stings when I actually realized that I had indeed failed this exam, miserably at that.

Due to Ike, I had 2 exams between yesterday and today, plus all of the wedding hoopla last week proof to be a mighty hell of a distraction. I knew that it wasn't going to be well for me, having to manage however little study time I've got left for 2 subjects. I'm trying not to blame other thing or people, I have myself to blame. I wish I have better time management skill, I wish I can focus better. As much as I want to blame the wedding for taking away my study time, I don't think it's fair for me to do so. It's my brother getting married, I was expected to help and and be at family dinners. I did have a good time at the wedding, not as much as I'd like though, I have to admit that. In the back of my mind, I was constantly panicking about the lack of studying I've done all week.

But oh wells, what is done is done. I failed. Official grade has not been posted, but we did a review after the exam and based on how many wrongs I counted, I knew I didn't pass. I'm so angry at myself, so disappointed. I have never failed to this level of craptastic in my academic career. Never. I failed my first Assessment exam back in Junior I, but my grade was only 1 point shy of the passing grade. This time? I don't even think if my instructors throw out some questions will help me. I really did screw up that bad.

Perhaps, this is the kick in the ass that I needed to get serious and get my focus back on school. I know I'll get back on my feet, put this behind, and think positively for the upcoming exams, but for the time being I'm moping and beating myself for this.

Wanna ask me open ended questions?

Autumn. Fall. It's usually my favorite season. But not this year.

In the aftermath of Ike, the schedule for this semester is as messy and scrambled as Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' divorce. It's got the hospitals involved, the required clinical hours involved, the lectures and exams involved. There are hospitals that don't want to deal with us just yet, leading us in the dark as to when we can come in for orientation and to actually start clinical, there are a week worth of materials need to be lectured, there are postponed exams need to be taken. So far, for my clinical section, we have settled 2 orientations out of 3 this week, 2 exams next week, 1 exam the week after, and that's it. It's just this mammoth of uncertainty at the moment.

Also, this week is known as the Brother #2's wedding week, also known as the week my studying time will be cut down due to family related event in which I will put pageant like smiles on my face as I greet the soon to be in-laws of Brother #2 with higher than usual pitch voice to convey as much as glee as I can squeeze out of my current frustrated, anxious, dark, and gloomy state. I should put a name tag that says "Hello my name is Cee, yes I am the sister, and I'm also a nursing student, so forgive the less than bright and cheery appearance, I'm trying my best to think of rainbows and roses for this occasion that I truly am happy about, but it's just that nursing school is kicking my ass and Ike just ruined what was a bearable semester into one that will undo me. So if I have a faraway look on my face when you're talking to me, it's not that you're boring or I don't like you, I'm just trying to recall the materials for my exams next week."

The thing is, the sufficient study time to pass me is there but I'm just feeling I'm going to be so damn exhausted all week, I already am. This week will be the death of me.

Please send fluffy cotton candies, ponies, chocolates, rainbows, pots of gold, and fairy dusts to the newly opened Things to Keep Cee From Pulling Out Her Hair and Headdesking Too Much donation box, I greatly appreciate it.

Back to school.

After a week off school post Hurricane Ike, we are back on tomorrow. I don't feel like going back to be honest with you, I'm dreading how crazy our schedule is going to be since we have lectures, exams, and clinical orientations (and clinicals itself because we postponed the orientation). Psych test #1 on Tuesday has been canceled, which is such a relief for me since I didn't get much studying done all week. It's difficult to concentrate on studying during all this chaos, plus my mom arrived on Thursday, so I've been taking her around, making good of my time off.

*sighs* Back to regular programming tomorrow.

Let there be light.

My house now has power back, wooot!!! After 4 days of living in the dark and without AC, we finally can lay to rest the flashlights and candles. Thank God! School is out until Wednesday, the rest of the week is still unsure. I'm trying very hard to focus and study but such is a difficult thing to do.

On another news, my mama will arrive in TWO days! Wheeeee :D I haven't seen her in 6 years, I've missed her so. Can't wait can't wait can't wait!

So I heard India Arie's Summer for the first time today and, boy, did that make me miss summer. I've thought about those summer days a lot.

"Goodbye summer, I hate to see you go. I wasn't ready for the autumn wind to blow."

Damn right, I surely wasn't ready for Ike to blow and wreck havoc on this city the first month of autumn.

"My heart is frozen in this place, waiting for another summer's day to bring you back my way."

True...true..., but more like to bring me back that way to New York.

I've been thinking how much I miss the fast pace of New York. Maybe that might sound weird for some to hear, I've heard a lot of "NY is too busy for me", and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not planning to live there forever either. When I'm older with a few kids in tow, I will appreciate the slow and relaxed pace of Texas.

But for now, I miss the climbing 4 flights of stairs to get to that apartment in Astoria and climbing more steps to get to the subway, I miss the walking and maneuvering my way through the human traffic that is the New York sidewalks, I miss the convenience of having 3 grocery stores in the 6 blocks between the subway station and the apartment, I miss being able to walk into the cozy bakery across the street from the apartment for a dessert fix anytime of the week, I miss ordering take outs that aren't just pizza, I miss the plethora of restaurants the City has to offer, I miss the smell of falafel, kebab, and hot dogs as I walk down the street, I miss going to Broadway shows and summer concerts at the parks.

*big sighs*

Most of all, I've missed the people I met there the most.

Recuperating.

Ike has passed, but boy did leave some imprints in this city. Some parts of town are better than the other, some are worst, some have electricity back already, some don't. People are starting to get out of the house, searching for gas for their cars, searching for hot food that they can't cook at home, searching for basic supplies such as water, ice, batteries. Traffic lights are swinging from the post, tree branches blocking the street, fences broken on the ground, signs and billboards torn. Those are some of the scenes I saw as I drove today. The good thing is that I don't see much flooding.

I think I can safely say that all schools are out tomorrow, including mine, meaning Peds exam #1 will be postponed. I'm glad it's postponed because none of us was able to concentrate on studying amidst the chaos that is this hurricane. We don't know when school will reopen, but we have been warned by our instructors that they will do whatever it is to catch us up with our syllabus, even when it means coming to class on the weekends or other extra days/hours. So it's also safe to say that my schedule is going to be even more bizarre after all of this.

So that's a weekend with Ike. I hope there will be nothing like this anymore in the future.

ETA pictures:

Stormy weather.

Well, I am one year older now, it's official. The best present yet? Having the power and internet back on. Nothing is better than the light suddenly coming back on when you were on the verge of frustration because it was hot and you can't go to sleep and it was only 11 pm and the only reason you were trying to go to sleep was because there was nothing else to do because the power was out. There. And I am now eating chips and salsa, yum. Not cutting the cake yet, because I'm already eating enough junkie food as it is, let's not add cake past midnight. Alright that's the update as of now, still windy and a little raining outside.





22:11 -- So I've been without power and internet until now. Even now I'm at my aunt's, my house doesn't have power and internet just yet. We're all fine, no damage nor flooding to either house, so it's all good. I went to bed around 1 am last night, and that was when it started raining really hard. I got some sleep but I remember the sound of the wind and rain being so scary. This was definitely a birthday to remember.

The calm before the storm.

First off, let me tell you the nightmare that is trying to get home yesterday. I got out of school early, and obviously so did everybody else from their job and what not because when I got to downtown to catch the midday bus, there was a line already forming. Soon enough, the bus came and it was full, there wasn't even any standing room left. Several people left the line to walk a few block to the previous bus stops, but boy oh boy, the line at every stop is no better. I ended up walking a good 15 blocks to the very first stop for that bus (all that walking in New York came in handy) and waited there.

The the bus service finally sent it free shuttles to cater to the large amount of people trying to get home. Alas, we found out that the HOV lane on the highway is closed. Wth?! And as you can imagine, traffic is horrendous, so the bus driver was kind enough to agree to try whatever route she can to get us home. We ended up taking this small backway and eventually made it to the Park & Ride. I got out of school at noon, got to downtown at 12:20, got on the bus at 13:05, got on the Park & Ride at 14:40, and finally made it home at 15:00. What an adventure.

Today, we should be getting the effects of the hurricane already, even though landfall is not expected until Saturday 1 am. When I look outside now, the sky is clear and everything is calm, but the wind has already made its presence. Not a strong wind yet, but it's noticeably more windy that any day in the past week. It is very unnerving to know that this wind will increase as the hour goes, and what now is a 17 mph wind is expected to be 71 mph at 4 am Saturday.

I can't imagine what it will be like, but we're as ready as we can be. We've got water and food and things alike, the backyard is rid of things that the wind can pick up, so for now we're just sitting, hoping, waiting.



ETA:
15:10 -- I'm still watching the sky turns darker and wind grows stronger as the hour passes, 17 mph it is not anymore. Cousin M has taken Gramma to Cousin K's house at another part of town to stay with her and her family. Now there are only Cousin K2, my brother, and I at home. Cousin K2 and I are thinking of heading over to our Aunt's a couple of streets down later this evening so we could all be under one roof as we ride out this storm. My brother has decided to stay put at home, at least we'd be in the same neighborhood so that gives me some kind of a peace of mind.

The house is very quiet, as is the street, a few doors are boarded up. It is quite eerie to watch actually. Most of my friends and family at the other parts of town aren't in the mandatory evacuation area so we're staying put, and it's a comic relief to read everyone's Facebook status. Who would've thunk there is a million ways to say we're basically ready, albeit anxiously, awaiting Ike.

There is a birthday cake in the fridge, we'll be cutting that on Saturday stormy weather or not. My uncle, Cousin K2, and I have September birthdays, so we'll have some good moments at the least. I'm hoping everyone stays safe.

17:57 -- My brother, Cousin K2, and I just decided all three of us will stay at this house instead of going to my aunt's. Not going to have my brother here by himself, and not going to leave this house unattended. Trees branches are moving, the sky is a shade of gloom, and you can now hear the "woosh" of the wind every now and then. I'm just waiting for the first drop of rain, it should meet the ground at 20:00.



23:22 -- After losing power and internet around 19:00, we now have power and internet back. Cousin K and I went to our aunt's house after all while my brother went to the hotel where his fiance works. I don't know how long we're going to have this power and internet back on, but boy it's a good feeling. Surprisingly there is no rain yet, but you can clearly hear the wind outside. It's definitely picking up speed. Oh, Cousin S just said she heard rain. I guess the first raindrop is here after all.

Suckity Suck.

Oh good, not only that I can't get out on my Saturday birthday this weekend due to Peds exam #1 on Monday, now I'll be studying in the storm and quite possibly with candles and flashlights should we lose electricity. Great, nothing like a gloomy, rainy, stormy, and quite possibly floody birthday.

School is more than likely closed tomorrow. Today after class would be hurricane proofing the house and getting last minute supplies. School might open again on Monday pending damage and power availability.

There is not a plan for my family to evacuate as of now. When Rita came 2 years ago, we evacuated to Dallas. What should be a 5 hours drive became a 24 hours drive, which lead to the demise of my Grandfather's health. He suffered a mini stroke on the long trip related to poor circulation secondary to prolonged sitting as evidenced by...okay, I'll stop the nursing diagnosis-esque sentence here. Point is, he never fully recovered his health from then on. He finally passed away late July this year.

Based on that, I think we just collectively decided to stay home because we couldn't do the same thing to Grandma. I will admit that I have some fears about evacuating, thinking of what it might do to Grandma's health. So we're staying put, and we're prepared.

For all of you who live in the area to be hit by Hurricane Ike, be safe. For all of you who don't, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. I'll try to keep you posted throughout the weekend.

Lemonade, anyone?

You know, sometimes life gives you such a funny twist that you just have to laugh and say "Hah! Good one, good one...."

Man, I love my life, never a dull moment.

And I love my friends, they laugh with me. Most of the time anyway.... That I know of....

Mission Impossible.

I think it is just futile for me to sit in 3 hours lecture, especially the afternoon lecture on Monday.

Not. getting. anything. in.

45 30 minutes in and I'm already antsy and bored out of my mind. I can visualize all this information coming my way, only to bounce off once they hit my giant forehead.

I think it's just because I haven't been in a classroom setting for 3 months, I was out and about this summer. Hopefully, I'll get back to the school mode soon enough, cuz ya know, paying attention in class is kinda crucial to my passing the tests and all that important thing.

The good thing is I'm not falling asleep, but still, I need help. Focus, Cee, focus!!!

New York from my eyes.

It's only fair that I post some pictures from my summer in New York.

Let's start with the picture that is perhaps my favorite picture that I took this summer.

Brooklyn Bridge and Lower Manhattan from DUMBO.


Bryant Park, taken with my camera phone.


Union Square from the second floor of Whole Foods, taken with my camera phone.


Times Square.


Fifth Avenue.


My favorite piece from the rooftop garden at the Metropolitan Museum, taken with my camera phone.


The rooftop garden at the Met, taken with my camera phone.


Coney Island, taken with my camera phone.


A piece outside of MoMA (Museum of Modern Art), taken by my friend.


the Sculpture garden at MoMA.


Central Park, taken with my camera phone.


Where we went kayaking on the Hudson River.


My roommate took this view of the city as she was on the kayak.


Riverside Park on the Upper West Side, I believe they used this location to film You've Got Mail.

Next time I'll post pictures from my Boston and Washington D. C. trips.

Reflecting.

The internship, I miss it. As I started my Child Health (Peds) class this semester, I realized just how much I'd learned over the summer. Even when, at the time, I complained that it was unfortunate that we as interns were limited in what we were allowed to do. Now, I saw just how much knowledge I've gained by doing what were seemingly trivial tasks over this summer.

Those urines I dip and how to get them out of diapers, keeping track of I&O's and the importance behind it, checking on IV's every hour and keeping track of those numbers, monitoring those vitals during conscious sedation, the little tricks you use with children to get them to cooperate with you, getting blood from those central lines. They all came rushing back to me, and when my instructors lecture or showing us things in the lab, they make an absolutely perfect sense. And once again, I am humbled to be where I was this summer.

The floor I interned at receives Hematology/Oncology patients, so a lot of the children that I've taken care of are frequent fliers or regular costumers, which means they stay on the unit for a long period of time and/or frequently return for treatment. As a result, the staff get to know them and their family pretty well and vice versa. There is not a day that has gone by since I ended my internship that I don't think about those "regular costumers".

How are they responding to their treatment? Have N & M lost their hair? Is P still scared when it's time to change his port-a-cath needle? Is G still refusing his meds? Has R finished her round of chemo? How are they and their family coping? Is Y home by now? I hope her count stays up. I hope C's bone marrow transplant goes well. I hope none of them relapses....

My heart breaks for them, for what they have to go through. I used to read their charts in the lounge, then I'd watch from the window in the corner, out to the green of Central Park across the street. A playground was there, swings, slides, monkey bars, you name it, and everyday I watched as kids filter through that playground throughout all hours of the morning and afternoon, wishing the kids I had on the unit could do the same. I'd take a long sigh and get back to work, saying a little prayer as I pass each room for them to get better a little sooner.

Yet in all of this, I've found great courage. Cliche to say that, but it couldn't be more true. For two days I watched as one family broke down as their 3 year old was diagnosed with Leukemia, but in the days afterward I watched them gathered every strength they had to pull through. They took in every ounce of information the doctors tell them--treatments, procedures, side effects, risks, prognosis, asked questions, and clang to every hope. They braved procedures that they have never heard before--lumbar puncture, bone marrow aspirate, port-a-cath insertion--and one they've heard but never thought would exist in their family--chemotherapy--being done on their tiny child. They held their child's hands and soothed their child through every vitals, labs, and meds with "It's okay, it's okay. It's gonna be okay." Sometimes, I even think they said those words to assure themselves too.

Those children, they're bravery and courage personified. As angry as they might have been, as scared as they might been, as rebellious as they might have been against all of these diseases, they manage. They just do. Somehow, along the way, they find a way to cope, to accept, to fight, and a reason to live. Every so often I'd come across charts so thick with health history, full of conditions so foreign to me, I had to google as I read those charts, and every so often afterward, I've found myself dumbfounded as to how they find the strength to go through all of that for years and years. My hat is off to them.

I really do miss those kids. Baby D, unaware of the how sick he really is, moving his head happily when you play his music toys as you take his vitals. Little N, the little tod, screaming bloody murder at everything and anything done to him, but once in a while when you're just checking on him throughout the day, he'd show you what game he's playing, he'd smile and you'd forget an hour ago he was kicking all four limbs as you and your nurse restrain him down for an oral med. R, in her early teen, as sweet as she can be, letting me draw my first central line blood from her even though she's very particular about her line. S, who came in for a sickle cell crisis, was quiet as a rock, but once she talked 50 mph with her 5 year old imagination, you knew she was no longer in pain and she was going home soon.

With this experience, I look forward to my Peds clinical this semester. I love working with children, they are a source of inspiration.

Senior year, it has begun.

Okay, I'm really bad at updating blog. Really bad. I haven't gotten a chance to write a proper blog about my New York experience yet, so far it has been lists, and I don't feel like it's a proper enough post. And then there is thing called the Senior year that had just started. Um, gooodbye summer break....

The Senior year, the last year, the time frame that will determine if I will add an "RN" behind my name at the end of this period. Quite scary, I say. I couldn't believe that it is finally here, this senior year, I feel it was just yesterday I was sending out applications. Wasn't it just recently that nursing school was just a dream and now I am halfway through? Now, it's time to gear up for the HESI and NCLEX, wait wait...hold up, HESI?! NCLEX?! Jeez...really?! Already?! I have no idea where time went.

So senior year, I am a week and two days into in. As usual, the first 3 weeks of the new semester is like "Well hello, INFORMATION OVERLOAD!!!" *thuds*, because you're either sitting in lectures in your scheduled class times or you're in lecture or lab 9-5 on the days you're not supposed to be in class, but they make you to because you don't have clinicals yet and they don't like to see you having 3 off days because they're mean like that.

I'm kidding, they're not mean. Okay, maybe a little mean. Point is, we're always exhausted, grumpy, and whiny, and it's only the second week. And to think we still have 4 more months of this. Le sigh....

Today, we sat through a 9-5 Psych lectures. Maaaan, was I Miss Antsy Mcpantsy after only the first hour.... Tomorrow is another 9-5, but at least it's a lab, we get to walk around, play with equipments, and poke each other. Hooray. Oh the sound of excitement...not.

Speaking of clinicals, I have sucky clinicals days. SUCKY, I tell you. A Wednesday (Adult), a Friday (Peds), a Saturday (Psych), I am none to happy. What upsets me the most is that my dear mother is coming from my home country and I had this plan to take her somewhere on weekends that I am not bombarded with school works--these weekends are rare commodities but they do exist once in a bluemoon. However, I am now left with only Thursday and Sunday off. I'm pretty much stuck until Thanksgiving! Bah humbug....

On another note, my friend made this observation last week as we took the medication calculation test, a.k.a the test that you must get 100 on to pass, and if you don't make 100 in 3 tries then you're out of the program. So afterward, she said "Miss Cee, please be a little more nervous next time you take a test. What is wrong with you? Why are you so chill taking a test? It's making me more nervous, at least pretend you're nervous!" It appears whatever calming method I was using worked a little to well perhaps.

And the next day she said, "You look so dainty today with that top you're wearing. Looking like a New Yorker already." Wha? Am I not wrong when I said that you usually hear a New Yorker described as an all black, ice queen, no non-sense kinda thing? But dainty? Who would've thunk?! My friend, she said the darndest thing obviously.

Well, there you have it. Senior year, it is here.

Lists, they complete my life.....

Another list to compile the non-hospital related things I did--or didn't--while in New York.

-Everyday I walked up and down 4 flight of stairs to get to and from my apartment.

-My cooking ability is still not enough to be called "skill".

-I lint rolled the clothes I was wearing before I left the apartment, while walking to the subway, on the subway, and sometimes once I got to my destination. Those cats shed like there's no tomorrow. Damn.

-Speaking of cats, I cleaned up cat's puke once.

-During the 3 months of my stay, I have only worn heels one night. ONE, and a ONE inch heels at that....

-Holy a lot of walking, Batman!

-Bought many a flat shoes.

-Once, under the influence of an impulsive friend (you know who you are), I spent way more that I usually would on a dress. Like, 5 times more that I would. To this day, no matter how good that dress makes me look, I still cringe when I thought about it. What the hell was I thinking?!

-Gone out past 2-3 am on many occasion, which usually is unheard of when the semester is in session.

-Smoked Hookah for the first time. Did not like it.

-Went to the Met twice and to MoMa once and was surprised that I actually enjoyed museums more than I thought I would.

-Fell in love with the little boutiques in SoHo, even though I barely buy anything from them.

-Didn't see as many Broadway show as I thought I would. I only saw 2, shocking, considering how big of a Broadway fan I am. Why didn't I see more will remain a mystery.

-Kayaked on the Hudson River. For free! So much fun!

-Spent a weekend in Boston with my roommate and my friend. One of the best weekends this summer.

-Took a day trip to Washington D.C. with another friend. Another fun time.

-Until we arrived in East Chinatown area at 1 am-ish with no yellow cab in sight and only black cab drivers trying to woo us.

-The subway already looked scary enough for me when I got there earlier that morning, so I bravely took the black cab.

-And was scared shitless the whole way home. The driver was nice and my gut trusted him, but still you know, unregistered cab past midnight is nevertheless shady.

-Then I scared my roommate shitless when I got home. I had tried to be as quiet as possible, but right when I entered the room, the cat had woken her up, plus the light from my cell phone screen was on. There was some screaming alright....

-Went karaoke in Ktown and experienced the horror that is Korean background video as we sang. Nothing like watching bloody war video as you're singing a love song. Really....

-Walked the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan to Dumbo. The view of Manhattan from Dumbo was worth the long walk across the East River.

-Fell in love with the East Village. St. Marks, what would I do without you?

-Ate out a LOT and tried many a fabulous food and desserts, which is not conducive to said cooking skill mentioned above.

Speaking of food:

-Had a hotdog from the food stand on the street. It was like a rite of passage to New York or somethin'....

-Went to Serendipity and had the famous frozen hot chocolate. It was good.

-Went to had Japanese ramen. Great, but Samurai noodle in Seattle still wins by a mile.

-Spent an afternoon at Cha An teahouse in the East Village chatting with girlfriends. Good time.

-Went to this two super cool and authentic Japanese places, Oh Taisho! and Kyotofu. Gah, I love Japanese food.

-Went to Rice to Riches, a whole store of rice pudding desserts with a plethora of flavors.

-Tried the cupcakes from Crumbs. Overrated.

-Went to Max Brenner, the chocolate desserts haven. Can't get enough of it.

-Had a very very good Korean BBQ at Madangsui.

-Had Indian food for the first time at one of the Indian restaurants on the Indian street in East Village.

-Had the ever delicious soup dumplings from Shanghai Cuisine.

-Tried the hot chocolate soup dumpling from Rickshaw.

-Ate many a dish from my home country in Elmhurst. Yuuummmeeh!

-Took advantage of New York's Restaurant Week twice. First to Cafe Centro at the Grandcentral terminal, and second to Firebird, a Russian restaurant.

-Fell in love with Martha's Country Bakery across the street from my apartment. Everything there tastes delicious, like little pieces of heaven. Gelato, cupcakes, pound cakes, cakes, pies, pastries, you name it.

-I went to Coney Island and had an affair with a very yummy funnel cake.

Okay, enough mentions of food.

-Bought my first laptop.

-And also bought my first digital camera. Both with the money I earned from the internship. :)

-Met the cutest baby ever. That Kayla, she's all cheeks and rolls, a doll that one.

-My roommate and I, on our way out for a night in the city, went to her friend's apartment due to some rat incident. Needless to say, we didn't go out and I experienced the infamous New York rat-in-the-apartment story.

-Speaking of roommate, I had the nicest, funniest, most wonderful roommate ever.

-Went to my first Jazz concert.

-Stepped out of my comfort zone of being quiet and pushed myself to be more talkative with new people, however uncomfortable that made me feel at first.

-As a result, I've made friends with wonderful people. They made my New York experience all the more memorable.

-Over the summer, I've met people who are copywriter, graphic designer, clothing designer and store owner, model, music therapist, accountant, art director, Wall Street person, nurse, doctor, interior design student, food science student, media student, etc. It's like, wow, I've never thought I've met such a diverse group of people in one short period of time.

I'm sure there's plenty more that I did and didn't do, that I can't remember on top of my head right now. So for now, this is it. I'm sure I will still make some New York related posts for some time. I mean, summer in New York, can't write about it in a single post....

Well, hello there!

This blog desperately needs to be updated. I thought I was going to write more while I was in New York, but who am I kidding? I was out and about every chance I got when I wasn't working. I mean, it's New York City!

I am now back in the great (and hot) land of Texas. A lot has happened since I last wrote, so this is just going to be another update lists, until I find time to gather my thoughts.

• Summer flew by fast. Too fast!
• 
  
• I flew back to Texas one weekend due to family emergency.
• 
  
• My Grandfather was sick and eventually passed away.
• 
  
• I was there when he passed, but missed the funeral because I had to go back to finish the internship.
• 
  
• Speaking of internship, it is done. Sadness....
• 
  
• It was an amazing experience, one I would treasure for the rest of my life.
• 
  
• Now I am back, and I've been settling down into my new room.
• 
  
• When Grampa got sick, my grandparents and I switched rooms for an easier access for them since my old room was downstairs.
• 
  
• My cousins and I pretty much stuffed everything from my old room upstairs.
• 
  
• And I didn't have time to clean and organize in the short weekend that I was home.
• 
  
• So now I came home to a room full of things everywhere. I mean EVERY FREAKING WHERE, I can barely walk in that room.
• 
  
• It took me two days to get everything cleaned up and neat.
• 
  
• I am so tired, someone should give me a message.
• 
  
• And it has been so gloomy here.
• 
  
• Heck, am I not in Texas?!
• 
  
• Where is the scorching heat?
• 
  
• Okay, I'll shut up. Better not jinx it....
• I miss New York. A lot.
• 
  
• And this post doesn't make sense at all. Just be blabbering.
• 
  
• And now I'm gonna eat. Haven't had a meal since morning. Stupid moving....

Random.

There have only been a handful of times that the full moon is so beautiful I stop on my track to just gaze upon it, big--appearing so close to the earth--with an orange glow--the reflecting the sun's setting. Some people say stop and smell the roses, I stop and see the moon.

I'm in.

For the first time since I started this internship, I feel like a nurse, and I feel like I'm more than another PCA/student to the other nurses. For the first time, I feel like I'm a part of the team. It's not that the nurses aren't great or helpful because they are, but I just felt like they see me as a student or a guest, and I'm here to shadow to learn and do PCA things. Generally, I've felt like I was on the outside, I'd do vitals, I&O's, ADL's, monitoring, and little things they've asked me to do, but they don't really involve me in the what's going on of these patients. I think a part of it is due to the restrictions I have in this internship, I'm not allowed to give anything into the body such as giving medications or starting and giving IV's, so I'm already not in the "in's" of things to begin with. I do ask a lot of questions and find out about the new orders and what's going through the charts, but most of the time I'd find out later.

However, today was different because we had a situation early in day where my preceptor wasn't available to care for our assigned patients, and the nurses, with whom our patients were divided amongst, weren't familiar with the kids. But I was. I had been taking care of them since Friday, and I was able to give the nurses reports on their conditions. Today, instead of working with one preceptor, I worked with 3 different nurses. And since we were short staffed, I was mainly the middle person between the patients and their new nurses.

The nurses I worked with were great, they trusted that I knew the patients and family well enough they listened to me when I told them about the kids' conditions, or asked questions that the family wanted to know, or alerted them about any changes I noticed, and they relayed my assessment to the doctors. They notified me about a new diagnosis of one of my kid and the plan of care the doctors had set. One of them even had me to talk to the doctor and sent me in with him when he went to re-assess the kid while she went to care for another patient. I really felt like I was a part of the team and I'm not shy to say that I was able to step up to the plate and did a good job helping the short-staffed unit today, and boy, that feels good.

It was a really good day today. Now, after working all weekend--three 12.5 hours shift in a row, I am ready to spend Monday sleeping and not thinking of "Damn, that's a whole lotta diapers to weigh and dip...," or "Shit, another fever," or "Alright, P in room 42 needs a stool softener," or means of distraction to get a picky kid to eat so they can go home.

The name of the game.

With Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban naming their new daughter Sunday Rose (I mean, really, Sunday?!), it got me thinking about the names of the kids I've seen on the floor thus far. There have been some interesting ones, with out of the ballpark spelling of course, but none has really been a...you know, "Apple?!!" *headdesks* "Joseph Jagger Blue?! On a girl??!!!" *headdesks* kinda thing. That is until Monday morning when I encounter a set of siblings on the floor.

Obviously, I can't say the names, but let's just say that one of them was intended to sound like "The One", as in here's my kid, they're "The One". The one for what I don't know, the one you want to watch out for, the one that will cry the loudest, the one...well, it was a *headdesks* moment nonetheless. Then, I found out about Nicole and Keith's Sunday later in the day. My head hurt a lot that Monday.

Anyway, 4th of July was made of all kind of wins. I went to a rooftop party out in Brooklyn where we can see the famous New York fireworks. It was lovely. I hope everyone's 4th was wonderful as well!

The one where I wandered around the Cith by myself part 12534526342.

I've been walking around the City by myself on my day offs so far, just because the people I know here work everyday unlike me who only work a select 3 days. So off I go on my own adventure, exploring neighborhood by neighborhood, discovering places to eat and have desserts, all on my own. It's a love/hate relationship. On one hand, I'd love to have a company, but on the other hand I'm not sure I'll feel as free as I do when I'm on my own.

But anyway, that's not the point. The point is today I went to East Village, went into this vintage store, and fell in love with a pair of black pointy toed Marc Jacobs flats. It's simple, yet oh so comfortable and all kind of pretty--not to mention I have been looking for a pair of comfortable pointy toed black flats. It was love at first sight. But it also requires my selling a toe or thumb in order to afford said flats, 'cuz ya know, Student Nurse Intern + living in New York = poorer than a Student Nurse living in Texas. It's a tragedy.

In the end, I managed to muster up more self control than I thought I had. I begrudgingly take the right shoe that I tried on off my foot, stepped away from it, and out the door I went. My bestfriend E said, "Sleep on it tonight and see if you still want them tomorrow." To which I'm thinking, "Damn hell, I will still want them tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...."

Anyhow, that's about the shoes. Another thing is, lately I've been approached by people asking me directions. Twice today to be specific. And I actually knew the answers! Hah! Like "Broadway? Suuuree, that way," "Washington Square Park? Two block downs this way," "The hospital? Keep straight until Madison then turn right until xxth street."

Okay, maaaaybe the hospital thing doesn't count because I was wearing scrubs, so it was like I had a bright yellow neon light pointing at me "I'm a hospital employee! Ask me direction to it!" But other than that? That means I don't look like a tourist or a newbie anymore, with a subway map in hand, standing on a curb mulling with myself to jaywalk like everybody else or wait until the light allows you to (in which the conversation in my head between me and my adapting to the New Yorkers' way of life Self goes as follow,

Me: Go? No, no go.
Self: Everybody else is go.
Me: What if a car comes? I still need to survive, you know.
Self: But everybody else is GO! There is no car!
Me: What if there is a cop? You could get fined in Texas for jaywalking.
Self: Well, are you in Texas right now?!
Me: No...
Self: Exactly, now GO!!!!
Me: Alright, alright, I'll go I'll go....

There are many a conversation as this when I'm out by myself on the New York streets. And no, the other convos need not to be mention here).

Speaking of tourist, I was checking out Patricia Field's store (she is the costume director of Sex and the City for those who don't know) today and saw this almost replica of one of the dress Sarah Jessica parker wore in the movie. Then this tourist came by with a Sex and the City picture book or something alike (I didn't know there is such a thing as this memorabilia SATC book! Huh, something new to learn each day, eh?), and asked the salesperson--while pointing at a page in the book, which I'm assuming a picture of SJP wearing said similar dress--"This is the dress?" Of course, the salesperson--complete with a sigh and subtle eye roll--explained that no, the dress in the movie is a vintage find and the store only made a similar ones based on it. And so the tourist went away with such disappointed face I kinda wanted to laugh....

So that was my Tuesday of walking around the City.

You know, I had never been afraid of clown when I was a kid, but after seeing the clowns that come to the Peds building? Now I understand why some kids scream bloody murder when they see one.

Clowns are not funny! They wear crazy clothes, they put on ghost white powder on their face, bright red blood lipstick, and dark gravely eye shadow, they put pillow or something on their butt to make it protrude like they're backwardly pregnant
(which becomes a problem when the nurses are trying to get from one patient to another and the clown's humongous behind is blocking half of the hallway), their shoes are too big, and so do their smiles (they're too chipper!). What the hell, they are creepy!!! I don't like them clowns. Why I wasn't afraid of them as a kid remains a mystery, especially considering that one of my older brothers once chased me around the house wearing a rubber clown mask with a bread knife when I was about 8 or something. I'm not kidding, he really did that.

I now cringe whenever those clowns come around the corner. To the kids, I want to say to them "Scream away, kiddos, keep those people in ruffles and giant shoes away from you!"

Anyway, other than the clowns, the internship has been good. I get more busy and learn new things each time I come in. Tomorrow will be the first time all the interns will get together after we saw each other last three weeks ago, so it will be interesting to hear about how everyone's experience has been. They will hear about the clowns more than likely.

Defintely not in Texas anymore....

So New York had a heatwave this past weekend and oh how I miss the central AC at my house in Texas. It was so freaking HOT!

Anyway, I had my first 12 hours shift on the floor, and boy was it an eye opener. I can't help but comparing it to the the last hospital where I had my clinical last semester. Perhaps, it's not a fair comparison considering the obvious difference in that my internship is on a Peds floor while the clinical was on an Adult floor, as well as the difference in acuity. Obviously, I can't talk much about these differences due to privacy purposes, so I'm just going to leave it at "It's different."

I've heard about the Peds floor, about how difficult is it for first timer to remember all the baselines for the different ages and to deal with family members on top of the patients. So much can happen in those 12 hours, really. Another new thing that I have to take in is seeing all of those sick children, realizing that, unfortunately, it is real that they are that sick, that they have to go through so much in one day.

And with hailing from Texas and interning in New York comes the inevitable question of "So, are you going to move to New York?", to which I answer "I have a year to think about it." I really do. I love living here in New York, there is that desire to move but of course, there are a lot of other things to be thoroughly considered. We'll see. Stay tune for a year and we'll find out. For now I'm just enjoying the experience while it lasts.

Oh, you know what I saw while walking home from the subway? An ad that says McDonald sells sweet tea! Huzzah!

List.

There is much to be told since the last post, so I'm going to make a list. My brain is a little scattered so this is in no particular order.

1. I've been in orientation all this week from 0800-1630 and next Monday is the last day.

2. Orientation SUCKS.

3. There were lectures of things we've already learned in school such as infection control and pressure ulcer, yadda yadda yadda....

4. It is so boring I had to force myself to drink coffee this morning to keep me awake. Coffee does not make me happy....

5. Oh and we practiced blood draw on fake arms, then they told us we're going to be checked off drawing blood on EACH OTHER.

6. WTH?! I thought we are well past the days of poking fellow students with needles! Heh.

6. Speaking of needles, I've been stuck with needles more time than I would like ever since I arrived in New York: One blood draw from employee service, one blood draw from the check off, and one shot from employee service.

7. Being stuck by needles does not make me happy either.

8. Wednesday has been the most interesting orientation day thus far.

9. I mean, they took us down to the morgue for crying out loud!

10. So of course I saw a dead body being pulled out of the refrigerator and caught a glimpse of an autopsy.

11. Then we went back to the skill lab and drew blood on each other.

12. I thank my new friend J for offering his arm. He is very gentleman-ly like that.

13. J has many a gorgeous vein that I was successful on first try.

14. Also, if you stick a needle in a person and see no flashback in the butterfly, do not--I repeat--DO NOT wiggle the needle trying to get into the person's vein!!!! It hurts, dammit!

15. I received a crash course on Jewish traditions (due to the large population at the hospital), which was interesting because I've never had this situation in Texas.

16. I miss Chick-fill-a and its sweet tea. And chicken fried steak with mash 'tatoes and biscuit.

17. I do not miss my car and driving.

18. I walk a lot here. A LOT.

19. My roommate's cats shed like there is no tomorrow.

20. Hence, the lint roller has become my new bestfriend.

21. I got a laptop. FINALLY.

22. So stay tune for more stories.

Toodles!

So, this is New York, eh?

My first week in New York has been good. I had nothing to do except having to go to the hospital to get health paperworks done--an x-ray and blood draw while we were at it--and I was done. After that day I sat in the apartment thinking oookkaaay, what do I do now? I am not used to having all of this free time on my hands (see a few posts below), and it's like, I have no purpose in life, someone, help me! And let it be said that with free time comes spending money. A lot of money. 'Tis no good.... Need. to. stop. shopping. now.

So living arrangement wise, I'm getting used to it and liking it more and more each day. I live outside of Manhattan with a roommate, who has very kindly welcomed me into her cool apartment in a building with no elevator (*sighs*), who has two cats who are adorable and fluffy and cuddly and can be very weird a lot of times. I've lived with a roommate before, back when I went to Baylor University for a short while, but I've known said roommate before (we're good friends from high school). This time, it's a completely unknown person to me, a friend of an acquaintance, who I've only heard good things about. So this is something new--along with a lot of other new things I have to adapt to, but it's working out well. The roomie is super nice, and I like nice people, yes, I do.

Orientation for the internship starts bright and early on Monday at 8 am. Heh. 8 am is way to early for my brain to function, we'll see how that goes.... I'm getting anxious, wondering if I remember what they taught us in school. All kind of things are running through my head now that orientation is a few days away and actual work (on the Peds floor) is a week away. Do I remember how to take vitals manually? What are the baseline for pediatrics? Do I remember how to assess and know what to look for? Do I remember how to start IV? Draw blood? Give injections? Hang IV's? Holy crap, I am going to make a fool of myself aplenty! They're going to ship me back to Texas!!!

Wish me luck, I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting 10 weeks. Very interesting....

I already don't like the taxi drivers....

I have arrived in New York City, where I'm doing this summer externship. I arrived safe and sound, with no missing suitcases. I have to say, you gotta love on time flights and speeding pilots. I arrived 30 minutes ahead of schedule, yeah!

So I took the taxi to my friend's apartment because she doesn't have a car and we figure, well, her place is close to the airport anyway (10-15 minutes), hence, it wouldn't be much a problem. However, it became a problem when the taxi driver had no clue where he was going. As a result, what was supposed to be a 12-15 dollars ride ended up to be a 25 dollars ride. Thankfully, I had exactly 29 dollars in my wallet, to which I gave all to him. I still had no idea if I gave him too much or too little tip. If I'm going by how much I tip at restaurants, which is 20%, the tip should be 5 dollars. But then again, I'm on the pissy side because we got lost and the fare was double what it should be, so I was like oh well, buddy, you kinda deserve less than a dollar. But then again I felt bad because I had two suitcases he had to put in and out of the trunk. And it's not like I had a choice on how much to give, because 29 is all I had.

How much do you tip taxi drivers anyway? What's the rule of thumb? What happened if the driver got you lost?

I'm sticking to the subway for the remainder of my time here.

And so it begins.

My duty as a maid of honor....


That is me reading those Dummies for Maid of Honor/Bridemaids, while my bestfriend--the Bride to be--browse floral and cakes for the wedding. I offer either a "nay", "yay", "eh", "meh", "heh", "blah", or "wow" when asked, and edit the written part of their wedding website amongst other things.

Um, now what?

A quote courtesy of my friend's--F--facebook status: "What?! No Studying?! I don't even know what to do with myself!!!"

She couldn't be more right, because come on, the words "free time" don't exist much in the nursing students' vocabulary. So now that the do exist, it's like um, okay...really? Seriously? You mean, we can do whatever we want now?

My bestfriend asked me, as we went around to look for some of her wedding stuffs after I'm done with the short semester class (which is a walk in the park compared to the real semester btw), "Are you sure it's okay if we go to Borders to look at bridal magazines?" To which I answered, "Yea, it's alright. I have no homeworks. Omg, did I really just say that? I have no homework?!"

It feels VERY WEIRD that I can--for everyday of this week--go out with my bestfriend to finally fulfill my maid of honor duty and have scheduled lunch, dinner, and happy hour with a bunch of friends (Look, friends! Outside school friends! Who still remember me, yay!) before I leave for the internship. I am not complaining about the abundance of free time, but it doesn't erase the fact that it does feels strange--other wordly even--to go from being busy and chased by due dates to not having to worry about school.

For almost everyday of last week, I had to truly convince myself that no, I didn't have any deadline missed and yes, I really do have this much free time, because I felt like I was supposed to be doing some kind of school works when in reality, the only time we had to study in this elective class was for the midterm last Friday and the final this Friday. Oh, and I scored a 99 on the midterm, it was that easy.

I have time to read, I have time to exercise, I have time to pack, I have time to have lunches and dinners with friends without checking my watch thinking I have to get home soon to study or write papers, I have time to chat online with my friends, I have time to talk to my parents on the phone for more than 30 minutes, I have time to take a nap, I have time to change my car's oil on time along with getting it washed, I have time to do laundry before I realize I've run out of clean underwear, I have time to go on dessert runs.

I.finally.have.the.freaking.time.to do normal things and it is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Like, wow, I'm not calling what I'm doing procrastinating because well, there is nothing I'm procrastinating on--okay, I lie, maybe I am on procrastinating on this one thing called packing. Mostly, I call what I'm doing these days...vegging. Awesome!

Okay, enough of me blogging about being jaw-droppingly shocked having free time. I'm just being a dork.

Packing.

Have I mentioned how much I hate packing? Because I do. Really do. Despise it with passion. And don't even mention unpacking, that is a whole other level of hatred.

But packing I must because I'm leaving for NYC in two weeks. It is more overwhelming than I thought it would be, I don't even know where to begin. Or maybe I'm just saying to cover the fact that I am truly afraid of packing for this move, because then it will be real that I am leaving--albeit for only a summer, and there is always something about leaving for an extended period of time--no matter to where--that scares the crap out of me. Or maybe it 's scary because I am leaving to work instead of just a summer vacation, I am actually being paid for my skills, the skills that are beyond serving food to costumers or putting books on the shelves or teaching math. However, it is a good scary methinks, the kind that is mixed with excitement and anticipation, the kind that is challenging and pushes me out of my comfort zone.

The plan is to bring one huge suitcase and a medium one, the huge one for clothes and the medium one for other things such as shoes and nursing stuffs (textbook(s) for reference, stethoscope, scrubs, and what have you). I figure I'd be in scrubs most of the time anyway, so I don't need to bring that many clothes. Plus, it is inevitable that a girl in NYC will shop. I mean, duh....

Now, I just wish I can have this packing done like in one of those cartoons where inanimate objects come alive, line themselves neatly, and jump into the suitcases one by one with impeccable organization while I sing a happy packing song in an overly cheerful voice. Oh, and help by the animal kingdom is also appreciated, but only little birdies and squirrels are welcomed though, no cockroaches or rats please. And then I happily skip my way to the airport with the suitcases dancing their way too behind me. Ah, how wonderful life would be.... Obviously, I watched too much of those fairy tale Disney movies growing up (Cinderella was my favorite, I have to say).

Anyway, I also found out that I will intern on the pediatrics floor. NICU was my first choice and to be honest, I am slightly disappointed they weren't able to grant me that. Nevertheless, pediatrics would be an amazing place to learn from as well. So I'm excited. And scared. And I still hate packing. And moving. And I hope New York will be nice to me.