Sickity SICK.

I was going to write about how awful I have been feeling for the past week and a half. I mean, I was ready to go all out on this, because, dang it, I have never been this miserable from an illness in my entire adult life. The last time I was even remotely close to being like this was 3 or 4 years ago.

I’ve been MISERABLE. And I want to WHINE. Because that’s what sick people do, they whine. But then I thought, wait, I don’t want to do that. I am a better person than that, so I’m going to do the opposite. Because that’s what a mature adult would do, they’d look at the bright side and be grateful instead. So here it is

I’m grateful:

• That I am still alive and I’ll recover alright. I mean, a fever that broke only to come back less than a week later, plus the discovery of a palpable lump in your armpit, hacking coughs and congested nose that last more than a week? It’s no wonder that my mind started to wander to things I know could go wrong. The downfall of working in the medical field is that you see what can go wrong and you know very well it can happen to just anyone, including you, and that is the elephant in the room whenever something abnormal happens to you and your loved ones. To find out that this was an upper respiratory tract infection with early stage bronchitis and that lump was nothing more than an enlarged lymph node due to said infection? It was a big relief.

• That hey, I have one heck of a story to tell now! I mean, I fainted TWICE in the BATHROOM as I got up from the toilet seat. I fell back and hit my head on the bathroom floor the first time, I fell forward to the wall the second time, which was about 6 hours after the first one.
  
• That, as a student nurse, I have the skill and knowledge to know what caused those fainting episodes. High fever (Tmax 103) + period + getting up too fast = orthostatic hypotension. BP 108/72 lying down, and 88/50’s standing up? Not fun.

• That I was okay after I hit my head on the floor. That was a scary moment, finding yourself flat on your back, head pounding, and realizing you just hit that head on the tile, but you had no idea how hard you hit it. Again, as a student nurse, you know of all the things that can go wrong, but as you did neuro check on yourself to make sure you were indeed okay, there was a sense of calmness telling you that you were okay and no, you weren’t not going to have a hematoma.

• That, although I missed two weeks of clinical, I will still be able to make it up. I’m bummed that, while my friends are nearing to complete (or already have) their 100^th hour of the 170 clinical hours we have to complete this semester in order to graduate, I have only raked in a measly 44 hours. I will be the snail that finishes last at the end of April, but screw that, I’ve made peace with it and I’m okay with being the snail as long as I cross that 170^th hour mark before this semester ends.
  

• For my friends and family, who have taken care of me when I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, sent me well wishes, prayed for me, and made me laugh through all this. They’ve made my miserable days somewhat bearable.

• For my immune system. As much as I’d like to beg to differ, come think of it, God has given me a pretty darn good immune system. I rarely get sick, probably a couple minimal colds here and there per year, but nothing that would hold me down to bedrest like this. I even noted to myself last year that I was surprised I didn’t get sick a whole lot ever since I started nursing school. I thought with that high pressure cooker of a stress, I’d be crawling in and out of bed being sick as a dog several times a year. But I haven’t until now.
  
  
• For losing weight! I’M KIDDING! I’m not shallow like that. I actually hate losing my appetite, because my tummy hurts but I have no desire to eat. Plus, the Nurse Practitioner put limitations on my diet: no dairy and nothing complex, just broth with rice or noodle. Basically, my tummy can only handle soups for the time being. Blech. Now all I want is a tall cold glass of chocolate milk, which, obviously, I can’t have. Human being, always want what they cannot have. Ya don’t say!

So that’s it. I’m coughing less and blowing my nose less, which are good things. I still get tired easily, so I’m pretty much spending my days vegging on the couch on my computer or watching TV when I’m not napping. Yeah, isn’t that the life of a millionaire? Wake up, check emails, watch TV, nap, wake up, maybe try to eat, some more TV or computer, nap, try to write papers, more TV, bedtime (oh, and insert copious amount of coughing and blowing out nose in between).

My goodness, I am a BUM for sitting on my ass all. day. long!!!

But I’m a grateful bum, though…. Just sayin’….

Avaiable for hire.

I think I'm more productive when on bedrest than not.

I mean, I submitted job applications to 2 different hospitals already, and the only reason I didn't apply to the third one was becasue I'm too sick to get one document scanned.

Anyway.

Raise your hand if you think applying for a real job is scary? *raises hand*

Goodness gracious, I didn't know it could be that scary. I don't know, maybe it was the fear of rejection or something, but I was reading whatever it is over and over before I finally clicked submit. It's your life you're putting on the frontline. All your education and accomplishments that you hope are good enough to get you hired to do what you want to do for the rest of your life. I'm not one to beg, but after every job application I'm all, "Please, love me, want me, HIRE ME!" Okay, not a good idea to say that to the recuiter, that has crazy not mentally healthy written all over it....

So application to hospital A was submitted yesterday. I seriously wasn't expecting much of it because it was a very competitive hospital and my friend, who I think has better qualifications than me, had applied there before and received a rejection email. Sure enough, I got the rejection email on the same day I applied, which made me wonder if they sent out that email automatically. You know how you get an automated email after you applied saying your application has been successful? Well, with this hospital, you also get an automated rejection email. Because seriously, I think both of us are pretty darn good candidates. Heck, I even had letter of recommendation to boot. It really made me wonder what kind of super applicant they say yes to. Robot applicant maybe....

Application to hospital B was submitted today. This is the hospital I interned at last summer, so you can say I do have inside connection. I knew the recruiter, I have met briefly with the manager of the unit I want to work at, so I've given them head ups that I've applied. However, this doesn't make it less nerve wracking though. They did say that they have never turned away an intern, and my friend did assure me that we are already in, but still, it's a freaking real job on the line here! I have higher hope on this one than hospital A, of course. So we shall wait for a call back.

Hospital C, I'll hopefully apply tomorrow. I think I'll feel good enough tomorrow to go somewhere with a scanner for one more document and then I'm ready to submit. It's another competitive hospital--heck, all three of these are--but I somehow have hope too on this one, unlike hospital A, to which I felt rather indifference about. Out of the three, this one has the toughest criterie, I actually don't fit one of them but screw that, I'm still apllying. My GPA is thisclose to their 3.5 requirement and I just got invited to the nursing honor society. That should count for something, right? I have nothing to lose, I'm applying anyway.

So that is the tale of my job applying process. Less than a year ago, I did the same thing for an externship job and I got what I wanted. So here's to getting the nursing job I want (and need) this year!

Scary.

I had the scariest thing happened to me last night and this morning.

I had two syncope episodes in the bathroom, once at midnight and once around 6 am, and both after I got up from the toilet seat. It must be fever induced orthostatic hypotension, which is a conisderable drop in blood pressure when a person moves from a sitting/lying down position to a standing position.

I started running a fever yesterday, so my blood vessels are already dilated from the fever (Tmax 103 this am), and it's not helping either that I'm on my period. You add these together and you'd think, "Hmm no wonder this happened." I did remember I got up rather quickly from my bed to the bathroom, which just aggravated it. Still scary when it happened, nonetheless, especially when I had neevr fainted in my life before.

And yay for being a student nurse and having assessment skills. I can't imagine how freaked out I'd be if I had not been able to draw conclusion on what may have cause this, and had not known how to do neuro check on myself to determine if I had hit my head too hard on the floor when I fainted.

I don't remember anything from the first one, I got up and the next thing I knew I was on the floor. With the second one, I remembered more. I was feeling dizzy and seeing dark, which got me to think "Didn't I turn the light on already? How come it's so dark?" Then I fell forward and passed out. Ion ly fainted for a a couple seconds, and after the second one I called my aunt to get over here and bring me her blood pressure machine.

Sure enough, when lying down my BP was 108/72, and when standing up, it was 88/60. My aunt wanted to wait to see how I'd feel before we decide going to the doctor or not. I'm feeling much better now. No dizziness when I stand up, and I have gone to the bathroom twice since the second episode and didn't faint. I still have a 101.3 at the moment, but I'm gaining my appetite and energy back as we speak. So here's to hoping that the orthostatic hypotension is just a fever induced episode and nothing serious, and that I'll get better sooon.

I called in sick for clinical this morning, and definitely not doing any this week. I still have to study for Leadership/Management exam on Monday and finished my part in our group Community paper though.

That's all the update I have. I haven't had a chance to write on anything else, so this will do for now. If you believe in prayers, keep me in yours! :)