World Spins Madly On

…and it spins fast too.

Is this what it means when they talk about objective vertigo in that Assessment textbook? The person feels as if everything around them is spinning?

At least that’s how I feel. My world is not spinning out of control per se, it just spins…faster, way faster than it used to be. I’ve been trying my best to get a hang of it, alas, no such luck yet. Things come my way in bulks and they swoosh away before I get to the bottom of it most of the time, and I’m left exhausted at the end. I wonder if I’ll ever catch up or find my footing soon…or ever again.

The wind is blowing harsher, too. My hairs are strewn all over my face, covering my eyes. Sometimes, I can barely see what is before me. I reach one hand to hold my hair back so I can see the road ahead while the other one gripped my pole of faith, bringing it close to my heart as I try to take a step forward. My feet start to tremble as the wind blows hard against me, lifting and swirling particles of the earth and blocking my vision. I struggle to set my feet firmly on the ground, “If I fall then so be it,” I thought, “I have my source of strength here with me.” And I do fall, but not for long. It’s not always easy getting up, but it always worthy of trying. I use my ever presence pole of faith to pull myself up, slowly but surely, until I regain my balance and stand up straight once again. Then I dust the dirt of my knees and continue on the journey.

I do wonder, sometimes, if I’ve made the right decision or where this particular road leads to or what the other roads are like. Does the wind there blow as stormy as it does here? Do things churn heavily and quickly as they do here? Does it take this long to get to the end? But there is this little voice I can hear clearly amidst the chaos that is my surrounding. His voice tells me to keep going and trying, to keep my chin up and my eyes straight ahead, to keep moving forward on this path I’ve chosen, and most importantly, to keep that pole of faith in my hands.

Then there things along this road that don’t go as fast as the others do. The people who have been in my life are still around me, I don’t see them as often as I would love to, but I know they’re cheering for me as I go on. They might be somewhere else in this big world and I can’t see them within my field of vision, but I believe technology will keep them in my world always. Perhaps, the most exciting are the new people I’ve met along the way, those whose worlds are spinning as madly and as vastly as is mine. In the short time I’ve come to know them, we have laughed and whined together, and we have made each other smile. They push me forward when I stop on the same spot too long and I them.

In all of this madness, the one thing that keeps me hanging on is hope. The hope of a new strength for each day. The hope that the heavy wind will turn into a gentle breeze. The hope of the ability to regain my footing. The hope that I will find what and who I am looking for. The hope of where this road could branch to. The hope of what I will be. The hope of the rain He will send now that I have prepared—and am continuing to prepare for—the field.

So throw me a rope to hold me in place. Show me a clock for counting my days down….