Jumping Hoops.

Today, I had two doors of job opportunities shut in front of me. Two disappointments and one dream job crushed in a matter of minutes.

I've been jumping hoops ever since I set foot in the States due to my international student status. As an international student, I have limitations such as not being able to work outside of school and not being able to receive most scholarships. Then, there is also the mountainous paper works and rules to follow to make sure you're not out of status. One step outside the line, and you're out of the country. I'm used to this. I'm used to the paper works, to not being able to have a part time job if there's not one at school, to not being able to get scholarship to pay for tuition. For years, I've adapted to this and I've sucked it up and gone on with it.

But I have never felt such anger in me until today when things were held against me just because of my status. It felt like everything I've been working hard for means nothing, because I didn't even have a chance to prove myself before I was told I cannot go further. It is unfair.

The hospital I interned at, the one I invested last summer, the one I counted on so much, told me they can't hire me because they don't sponsor immigrant visa. Even though I'll be on OPT (allows international students to look for a job and receive work training for a year after graduation), they won't hire because I'll only be working for them for less than a year, a year max. They knew when they hired me last summer that I was an international student, yet they never once mentioned the fact that they won't be able to sponsor me. Instead, I got encouragement to apply for their scholarship and employment, only to have both of those doors slammed in my face. I'm going to stop talking about them here, otherwise, it's going to turn into a hate mail.

Then the other hospital I had really wanted to work for--the one with the 3.5 GPA and no C's in nursing school requirements--scheduled an interview with me--whose GPA is lower than that 3.5, only to had to cancel it because they don't hire non-permanent resident workers. It was as if I had the dream not only within reach, but actually in my hands, then to watch it disappears in a second before I can start on making it happen.

After talking to several people, I realized that, with the current economy status, it is even harder for international workers to get a company that will hire them. The hospitals in the medical center here are on a hiring freeze, the numbers of employee they're hiring now is considerably lower than last year. I've heard stories of people accepting job offers, only to have HR called them and canceled on them. I've heard hospitals starting to close their doors on people like me, the ones without a permanent residency.

I'm not giving up on New York just yet. I'm still trying and I'll keep looking. Although, I have to start entertaining the idea of staying in Texas, I'm not quite ready to let go of my dream. Maybe, something good come out of this and I'll be able to move to NY as planned. Maybe, NY won't work and I'll have to stay in Texas. Either way, for now, I'm still fighting.

I have HESI in a week, and I need to focus on passing that instead of letting this lost get into me. I'm moving on. I have my faith, and I believe my future is in His hands. Whichever way it goes, there's always hope. Hope of better things, brighter future, and less hoops to jump. There's gotta be something better than this.

Special thanks and loves to my friends who have comforted me today as I cried, listened patiently as I ranted, and encouraged me to not give up on NY just yet. They are already the better things in my life.