The one with the poo.

Okay, I get it. I get why parents can be obsessed with their baby's poops.

I spent today's clinical at the newborn nursery, and having changed many poopy diapers, all I want to tell my friends now is the many kind of poops I saw. I mean, did you know that a cutie patootie baby can generate a poop of gross epic proportion?! And it that color?! And in that form?!! And that often?! Who would've thunk it?!

I also believe my kidlet invented a new game called "Oops, I did it again!", in which I change the dirty diaper, turn around for a second to dump it in the trash, only to find upon return that the kidlet has pooped--again--and peed--again. Anyway, today was a good one--a really good one--aside from how many times my baby pooped.

Oh, one more thing, counting newborn's heart rate is another story. It sounds easy when they say "You count for 6 seconds then times 1o", not so easy when heart rate goes 123456789101112131415 in 6 seconds.... I think I lost track and had to redo it several times before getting it right. Oh, and I gave erythromycin eye ointment and vitamin K shot. Yay!

And by now I am also tone deaf to newborn cries....

No, I don't know why Michael Jackson sounds so girly....

There is this phenomenon that has been on full force ever since it was made known that I'm finally in a nursing school and is well on my way to my first semester. The phenomenon where people ask me all sort of medical related questions--and not just general question but specific questions about one's own poop or nipple or...well, you get the idea, all topic is fair game--like I'm god of all medical knowledge. Ask and thou shalt receive thy answers!

NOT!

No, I don't know why so and so said your poop shouldn't smell otherwise you're not healthy, the last I remember malodorous is the nature of poops. No, I don't know why your right foot is longer than your left. No, I don't know why your boob...bah I just don't know! No se, Jose! Je ne sais pas!

I am humbled that the friends and family think that I am the more knowledgeable person in that area, that they decide to direct their inquiries to me but by golly I am only a first year student nurse which more or less means I'm neither a walking medical encyclopedia ready to give you the answers to life your body nor am I Dr. Oz, oozing wisdom and confidence. I'm more like...clumsy and klutzy and clueless.

Then they have look of disappointment when I tell them I don't know, not like "Gah , you so stupid!" (at least I hope it's not like that) disappointment, but more like "Oh man, who else could I ask this to? My PCP?! No way, it's embarrassing!" kinda disappointment. To this I say, well there is always Ask Dr. Wiki or eMedicine or WebMD, but favorites of mine for answering those weird questions are Why Do Men Have Nipples? and Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? They are absolutely hilarious, I love it.

But anyway, then they'd turn to me and ask "So what do you know?" and I'd stammer uh's and um's and blabber about the weather instead, feigning my lack of medical knowledge.

I kid, I kid, I'm not that stupid, though I'm quite convinced I'm more knowledgeable in the trashy gossipy entertainment field. ;)