I had just spilled Starbucks all over me right as lecture began this morning.
Great.
It's one of those bottled frappuccino. I thought there was a only a little left in the bottle, so I tilted the bottle more, and well, out poured those brown sticky liquid. At least I sat all the way to the back so probably (and hopefully) no one saw my prime moment there. However, my shirt is now covered with coffee stain and I smell like spilled coffee.
Great.
Oh, and yesterday I dropped my Kolache. I truly have impaired motor function....
But anyway, this week is one of those non-stop kind of week, but in a good way. I think....
1. Monday was an exam and class until the evening.
2. Tuesday is a morning lecture and a night support group meeting we have to do report on for Psych.
3. Wednesday is my last ICU clinical (a post on that coming soon), which is also my last clinical of the semester. Woot! Goodbye 12 hours shift, till I see you again next semester! Oh, and a little happy hour after said clinical with a school friend. Tee hee!
4. Thursday is another morning to noon-ish meeting for Psych, then a trip to a party store to get stuff for my best friend's bachelorette party, then a baking night with my friend Y--a.k.a. the Goddess of baking, which is also for my best friend's bachelorette party, which I'm super stoked about.
5. Friday is, well, the day I will slave away finishing process recording and 1001 kinds of reports and other papers. Joy....
6. Saturday is, my best friend's bachelorette party!!! Woohooo!!! :D :D :D
7. Sunday is a trip to Texas Renaissance Festival with my family.
So this week I'd get to spend some quality time with my family and friends! For the first time in...oh I don't know, months! And I'm not spending my weekend nose deep in textbooks! And I get to paaartaay and have fun instead! An actual free time!
Oh, how I thought I'd never see the light of this again.....
I hope your week is great as well!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
This is the hour.
So one of my patients recently gave my preceptor and I a scare just a couple hours short of the change of shift after being stable the whole day. That is not fun--and not pretty. The day in the life of a critical care unit, never a dull moment and rarely a predictable day.
You know it's going downhill when you see the BP reading at the monitor, think "Okay, that's not good", tell your preceptor who is nearby, immediately adjust the cuff on patient, hit the Go button again while silently willing the new number to be higher, therefore rendering the previous number a false reading, only to see that the new number is lower, and when you look at your preceptor, she has the same look that you have on your face--which is the "Oh sh**" face. Oh and then the patient is yelping out in pain. I'll say this again: not pretty.
I'll spare you the details of the "Oh sh**" hour that followed, but we thought the patient was bleeding internally and was crashing on us, which turned out to be not the case, but we didn't know that for a good 30 minutes or so trying to figure out what the heck was going and how to manage it while waiting for the stat H&H result to come back. Luckily, the patient was stabilized within an hour and everything went back to being peachy again, like nothing happened.
When I finally got out of my shift, obviously later than I usually do, I rounded up the corner to the waiting area, where a family member who was in the room when it all started had to be escorted out because the shift was ending, therefore visiting hour was too before it resumes 2 hours later. I had told the family member that I'd give an update if I could before the shift ended, but if that wasn't the case, I'd drop by on my way out. So I did.
She immediately stood up when she saw me, I smiled at her and told her that her family has been stabilized, her BP back to the normal range and the pain controlled, and was currently sleeping. I could see the worry in her eyes subsided as I delivered the news. Now, that is pretty. As I made my way home, I was once again reminded of why I'm still here doing this. For a moment like those, when you see your patient sleeping comfortably after what could lead to otherwise, and when you see the family take that deep breath of relief after the gripping worries.
I know that the "Oh sh**" moment does not always lead to this, but it's always nice and appreciated when it does.
Feel free to share any "Oh sh**" moment you have had.
You know it's going downhill when you see the BP reading at the monitor, think "Okay, that's not good", tell your preceptor who is nearby, immediately adjust the cuff on patient, hit the Go button again while silently willing the new number to be higher, therefore rendering the previous number a false reading, only to see that the new number is lower, and when you look at your preceptor, she has the same look that you have on your face--which is the "Oh sh**" face. Oh and then the patient is yelping out in pain. I'll say this again: not pretty.
I'll spare you the details of the "Oh sh**" hour that followed, but we thought the patient was bleeding internally and was crashing on us, which turned out to be not the case, but we didn't know that for a good 30 minutes or so trying to figure out what the heck was going and how to manage it while waiting for the stat H&H result to come back. Luckily, the patient was stabilized within an hour and everything went back to being peachy again, like nothing happened.
When I finally got out of my shift, obviously later than I usually do, I rounded up the corner to the waiting area, where a family member who was in the room when it all started had to be escorted out because the shift was ending, therefore visiting hour was too before it resumes 2 hours later. I had told the family member that I'd give an update if I could before the shift ended, but if that wasn't the case, I'd drop by on my way out. So I did.
She immediately stood up when she saw me, I smiled at her and told her that her family has been stabilized, her BP back to the normal range and the pain controlled, and was currently sleeping. I could see the worry in her eyes subsided as I delivered the news. Now, that is pretty. As I made my way home, I was once again reminded of why I'm still here doing this. For a moment like those, when you see your patient sleeping comfortably after what could lead to otherwise, and when you see the family take that deep breath of relief after the gripping worries.
I know that the "Oh sh**" moment does not always lead to this, but it's always nice and appreciated when it does.
Feel free to share any "Oh sh**" moment you have had.
Friday, November 7, 2008
First.
AB was my first patient to die. Since the moment I came on that morning, we knew that it was going to happen soon because AB was in grave condition post cardiac arrest. What I didn't knew was whether AB was going to pass on my shift or not. Doctors, palliative care, and chaplain have been filtering in and out of the room that morning to inform the family of AB's prognosis and what can be done should they decide to go for aggressive treatments or what will be done should they decide to end all life support measures.
The family needed more time to decide, and all day my preceptor and I took care of her while waiting for the family to decide. It was obvious to me that AB was very loved, it was evident by the numerous members of family who came by, and how distraught they were of the possibility that that day was the day AB could pass away. My heart went to them.
It hit a little too close to home. My family and I were in their shoes a little over 3 months ago when we have to decide what we wanted to do for Grampa. I knew of that anger of wanting to do more, just to have them with us one day more. I knew of that hope of a miracle, that by the grace of God they'd come back. I knew of that love that allowed us to see and choose what was best for them and not us, the love that allowed us to let them go.
I never thought my first patient death could come this soon. I knew that I will encounter it in my career, but I've had it in my mind that it'd happen when I'm already a nurse, not a student. I'm okay with it though, it didn't make me emotional like I thought I could be because of Grampa. I'm glad I wasn't emotional, it wasn't me place to be because at a time like that, it should be about the family and how I can be a help for them.
Toward the end of the shift, AB's sister came out of the room and asked me who she could talk to "to take the machine off." I informed my preceptor, and the arrangement was being made. I was in the room when the doctor informed the family of the event that will follow, and that brought me back to when the nurse handed me a brown bag of meds that we could give to my Grampa to keep him comfortable and when the home health nurse told us that his time was near. That morning I've thought about what this meant for me, seeing this all too familiar scenario played in front of me soon after my own loss. I didn't know how I would feel if I had the chance to witness this, I only knew how to be there for the family and care for AB the best I knew how.
Sometimes during that shift, I had the chance to talk to AB's sister. At one point, she asked me about nursing school and the hardship that comes with it. I told her that it is indeed not easy, but it comes with having experience to know what to do in caring for someone in her sister's situation. She said, "I'm sure you'd have your (off) time here and there, but you will get there." I chuckled, "Oh I'm sure I've had plenty of my (off) times just in today alone." She smiled, "And that's okay, but you keep telling yourself you'll be good. It'll come to you." "I hope so," I told her.
AB passed away an hour before the shift ended. I wasn't in the room then, I was at the nurses station watching the monitor (the monitor in AB's room had been turned off) and chronicling the vital signs as AB left this world. The doctor asked what time it was when the flat line appeared. "1804," I told him, looking at the strip print out. "1804," he repeated as he looked at the strip, then he went to AB's room to tell the family.
I'd remember always remember sitting at the nurses station and looking up to see AB sister rounding that corner of the nurses station toward the exit door about 45 minutes after AB's death, and as she waved goodbye to my preceptor sitting a couple feet away from me, she also waved and pointed at me to make sure I knew she meant me when she said, "And you. You will be good."
And now, when there's a thousand things running in my mind due to a recent school related conflict that make me doubt myself, when I keep asking myself if I had what it takes to be a good nurse, I'll remember that kind lady, who, in the midst of her sorrow, still took time to be an encourager and told me that I will be good. And I'll always remember what I told her as she left, not only that I hope so, but I will. I will be good.
The family needed more time to decide, and all day my preceptor and I took care of her while waiting for the family to decide. It was obvious to me that AB was very loved, it was evident by the numerous members of family who came by, and how distraught they were of the possibility that that day was the day AB could pass away. My heart went to them.
It hit a little too close to home. My family and I were in their shoes a little over 3 months ago when we have to decide what we wanted to do for Grampa. I knew of that anger of wanting to do more, just to have them with us one day more. I knew of that hope of a miracle, that by the grace of God they'd come back. I knew of that love that allowed us to see and choose what was best for them and not us, the love that allowed us to let them go.
I never thought my first patient death could come this soon. I knew that I will encounter it in my career, but I've had it in my mind that it'd happen when I'm already a nurse, not a student. I'm okay with it though, it didn't make me emotional like I thought I could be because of Grampa. I'm glad I wasn't emotional, it wasn't me place to be because at a time like that, it should be about the family and how I can be a help for them.
Toward the end of the shift, AB's sister came out of the room and asked me who she could talk to "to take the machine off." I informed my preceptor, and the arrangement was being made. I was in the room when the doctor informed the family of the event that will follow, and that brought me back to when the nurse handed me a brown bag of meds that we could give to my Grampa to keep him comfortable and when the home health nurse told us that his time was near. That morning I've thought about what this meant for me, seeing this all too familiar scenario played in front of me soon after my own loss. I didn't know how I would feel if I had the chance to witness this, I only knew how to be there for the family and care for AB the best I knew how.
Sometimes during that shift, I had the chance to talk to AB's sister. At one point, she asked me about nursing school and the hardship that comes with it. I told her that it is indeed not easy, but it comes with having experience to know what to do in caring for someone in her sister's situation. She said, "I'm sure you'd have your (off) time here and there, but you will get there." I chuckled, "Oh I'm sure I've had plenty of my (off) times just in today alone." She smiled, "And that's okay, but you keep telling yourself you'll be good. It'll come to you." "I hope so," I told her.
AB passed away an hour before the shift ended. I wasn't in the room then, I was at the nurses station watching the monitor (the monitor in AB's room had been turned off) and chronicling the vital signs as AB left this world. The doctor asked what time it was when the flat line appeared. "1804," I told him, looking at the strip print out. "1804," he repeated as he looked at the strip, then he went to AB's room to tell the family.
I'd remember always remember sitting at the nurses station and looking up to see AB sister rounding that corner of the nurses station toward the exit door about 45 minutes after AB's death, and as she waved goodbye to my preceptor sitting a couple feet away from me, she also waved and pointed at me to make sure I knew she meant me when she said, "And you. You will be good."
And now, when there's a thousand things running in my mind due to a recent school related conflict that make me doubt myself, when I keep asking myself if I had what it takes to be a good nurse, I'll remember that kind lady, who, in the midst of her sorrow, still took time to be an encourager and told me that I will be good. And I'll always remember what I told her as she left, not only that I hope so, but I will. I will be good.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Children.
I was waiting for the elevator after my last Peds shift at the children hospital today. Once it opened, I waited for a little bit to let people out when this little boy, about 5 years old, called, "Come on, Lady, come on in." A lady in the back chuckled at the boy, while who appeared to be the boy's mom shook her head in amusement. I smiled and said "Hi" as I stepped in, and the boy's brother, who was about the same age and standing on the other side of the elevator, promptly asked, "And which floor you're going, Mam?" I laughed as I told them, "One, please, and thank you."
For the rest of our ride, the two boys asked whoever came in, mostly physicians, which floor they were going. One of them boys even asked one of the doctor, "Do you know how my heart rate is?" and the everyone in the elevator erupted into laughter. Those boys were just too precious, too adorable, and so innocent. This is why I want to work with children.
How about that election? Wow, history was made. To be honest, I'm not really into politics, although, I believe I would've looked more into in had I could vote. People have asked me who I would vote for, and I 've always said I don't know because I haven't educated myself on the two candidates. However, I've always felt a leaning toward the now president elect, Barrack Obama. I've been in this country long enough to see three presidential elections including last night, and I've never seen a candidate that grabbed my attention like he does. I'm glad he won, and I hope he lives up to all the hype about him.
For the rest of our ride, the two boys asked whoever came in, mostly physicians, which floor they were going. One of them boys even asked one of the doctor, "Do you know how my heart rate is?" and the everyone in the elevator erupted into laughter. Those boys were just too precious, too adorable, and so innocent. This is why I want to work with children.
How about that election? Wow, history was made. To be honest, I'm not really into politics, although, I believe I would've looked more into in had I could vote. People have asked me who I would vote for, and I 've always said I don't know because I haven't educated myself on the two candidates. However, I've always felt a leaning toward the now president elect, Barrack Obama. I've been in this country long enough to see three presidential elections including last night, and I've never seen a candidate that grabbed my attention like he does. I'm glad he won, and I hope he lives up to all the hype about him.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Made.
Today was Psych exam #2, aka judgment day of some sort because I failed the first one miserably so I needed to make at least 75 on this one and at least a 75 on the Final to make that passing grade of 72 at the end of the semester. So this exam is a make or break for me, if I make below 75, the chance of me passing is slimmer than if I make above. I hated Psych with passion, and the instructors elicit the same sentiment out of me. It's just not my forte, I always feel like I'm in rut with this class. I know I'm not the only one feeling like this, the whole class does too.
The past few days have been a pressure cooker for me. I've studied and studied, practiced questions on the NCLEX book, doubted myself more than I can count, and it was just so draining. This morning anxiety was in overdrive, I kept reminding myself to calm down, trying not to hyperventilate. When I got to school, all the faces I saw were those of nervousness. It was just not a pretty sight at all.
We had a review right after the exam, and let me tell you, test review in this Psych is like a an outlet for that pent up anger. We're all frustrated and the instructors are just not helping, and yeah, it can get pretty hostile in there. Again, not a pretty sight.
But I made it. I passed, with an 84!!!! I was beyond relieved. I believed my faith played a part in that. I've also been praying for the past few days, so have my friends and family, and we believe prayers do work. I'm a testament for that today. I can't explain it electronically here, I can't describe how tricky the questions can be, how hard the instructors are on us. 84 might sound like a no big deal for some, but when you made a 66 on the first exam, 84 is a big deal. So. relieved.
Now, it's time to hit the book for another test next week. Ah, the life of a nursing student.
Happy voting, everyone! I'm not a citizen or permanent resident, so I can't vote. I wish I could....
The past few days have been a pressure cooker for me. I've studied and studied, practiced questions on the NCLEX book, doubted myself more than I can count, and it was just so draining. This morning anxiety was in overdrive, I kept reminding myself to calm down, trying not to hyperventilate. When I got to school, all the faces I saw were those of nervousness. It was just not a pretty sight at all.
We had a review right after the exam, and let me tell you, test review in this Psych is like a an outlet for that pent up anger. We're all frustrated and the instructors are just not helping, and yeah, it can get pretty hostile in there. Again, not a pretty sight.
But I made it. I passed, with an 84!!!! I was beyond relieved. I believed my faith played a part in that. I've also been praying for the past few days, so have my friends and family, and we believe prayers do work. I'm a testament for that today. I can't explain it electronically here, I can't describe how tricky the questions can be, how hard the instructors are on us. 84 might sound like a no big deal for some, but when you made a 66 on the first exam, 84 is a big deal. So. relieved.
Now, it's time to hit the book for another test next week. Ah, the life of a nursing student.
Happy voting, everyone! I'm not a citizen or permanent resident, so I can't vote. I wish I could....
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Has it really been that long?
I realized today that my Grampa has been gone for 3 months yesterday. It's a weird feeling, like he's been gone forever. We've carried on like normal ever since he passed, but I notice the emptiness in this house. The void he left that no one else can fill in and I wonder how we've managed to live with that all this time.
I think of him a lot, and I miss him terribly. I can still see him at the kitchen table reading newspaper as I go down the stairs on Sunday morning. I can still see him sitting by the window in his room reading a book, the same way I like to sit by the window and read my book. I can still see him sleeping on his bed when I woke him up to say goodbye before I left to New York, I told him I'll be back in August and I'll see him then. I can still see him nodded and said my name when Gramma asked if he knew who I was when I flew back from New York for that one fateful weekend. I can still see him lying unmoved when I confirmed his death after Gramma woke me up at 6 am that morning to come look at him because he wasn't moving. And I can still feel how cold his skin was when I held his hands for one last time before they took him away to the funeral home.
I wonder how would it be had I not gone to New York for the internship. Would I catch him getting sicker sooner? Would this turn out differently? I know I'm not to blame, it happened the way it's meant to happen, but I just wonder.... I don't know why this hits me harder 3 months later. Maybe because I thought he'd be here still? That I'd see him in his room when I came back from New York like I told him before I left?
The house is quieter without him. I miss hearing the Chinese music coming out of his room, I miss hearing his voice, his conversation with Gramma. He's a great man, my Grampa. I just wish he could tell me what he's been doing in heaven....
I think of him a lot, and I miss him terribly. I can still see him at the kitchen table reading newspaper as I go down the stairs on Sunday morning. I can still see him sitting by the window in his room reading a book, the same way I like to sit by the window and read my book. I can still see him sleeping on his bed when I woke him up to say goodbye before I left to New York, I told him I'll be back in August and I'll see him then. I can still see him nodded and said my name when Gramma asked if he knew who I was when I flew back from New York for that one fateful weekend. I can still see him lying unmoved when I confirmed his death after Gramma woke me up at 6 am that morning to come look at him because he wasn't moving. And I can still feel how cold his skin was when I held his hands for one last time before they took him away to the funeral home.
I wonder how would it be had I not gone to New York for the internship. Would I catch him getting sicker sooner? Would this turn out differently? I know I'm not to blame, it happened the way it's meant to happen, but I just wonder.... I don't know why this hits me harder 3 months later. Maybe because I thought he'd be here still? That I'd see him in his room when I came back from New York like I told him before I left?
The house is quieter without him. I miss hearing the Chinese music coming out of his room, I miss hearing his voice, his conversation with Gramma. He's a great man, my Grampa. I just wish he could tell me what he's been doing in heaven....
Monday, October 27, 2008
Random Monday musing.
Did this morning stupidly: was about to step onto the bus only to realize that I forgot my ID badge which has my Metro card. Ended up driving to school this morning, blah.
Seen this morning: a man driving near medical center vicinity in an old vintage car with the roof open and the license plate reads "APGAR X". Well, alright then Mr. OB/GYN/Neonatalogist, carry on....
Received this morning: a bar of quite a fancy chocolate from a friend out of the blue right before lecture starts. I like friends who give little surprises, made my Monday. :)
Popped up in my mind this morning: a quote by a mother of a patient as told by the night shift nurse to me and preceptor as we were getting report. Mom sought the nurse because the kid was crying in the middle of the night, when nurse came, mom said to said nurse, "Can you please calm him down? He needs some human contact." Most outrageous quote I have ever heard in a hospital setting.
Watched this morning on the laptop before lecture: Gossip Girl episode from season 1. Shut up, I'm trying to catch up with TV shows these days. I'm trying to stay connected to theoutside pop culture world here....
Seen this morning: a man driving near medical center vicinity in an old vintage car with the roof open and the license plate reads "APGAR X". Well, alright then Mr. OB/GYN/Neonatalogist, carry on....
Received this morning: a bar of quite a fancy chocolate from a friend out of the blue right before lecture starts. I like friends who give little surprises, made my Monday. :)
Popped up in my mind this morning: a quote by a mother of a patient as told by the night shift nurse to me and preceptor as we were getting report. Mom sought the nurse because the kid was crying in the middle of the night, when nurse came, mom said to said nurse, "Can you please calm him down? He needs some human contact." Most outrageous quote I have ever heard in a hospital setting.
Watched this morning on the laptop before lecture: Gossip Girl episode from season 1. Shut up, I'm trying to catch up with TV shows these days. I'm trying to stay connected to the
Monday, October 20, 2008
As my friend's, Kate, license plate says.
You know it's gonna be a good clinical day when went to Starbucks to get a slice of banana nut loaf for breakfast and the barista says, "Oh I put two in there (bag) because they're small," and you know one small slice is actually enough for you but two small slices mean you have a slice for breakfast and you also have a slice for a snack later, for the price of one! Suuuhhhweeeeet!
And you also know it's gonna be a good clinical day when you're actually planning to pay for parking because you don't think anyone will go into your friend's apartment (where you usually park for free) gate at 6:15 am, therefore you can't tailgate a car in (because you don't have the code to get in, you have to call the friend to open the gate and you don't want your friend to hate you for calling her at 6:15 am), but when you pass the apartment you actually see a car turning into the complex, meaning you can get in and actually park for free! Suuuuhweeeeet!
And you also know you can finally have a break because you don't have exams for the next 3 weeks, meaning you can finally have back a semblance of your life that has been put on the back burner since school started. Case and example: I spent the weekend not touching any textbook and notes and I went to see the Duchess and the Secret Life of Bees. Suuuhhhweeeeeeet!
So as Kate's license plate says, my life, for the time being, is SUHWEET!!!!
And you also know it's gonna be a good clinical day when you're actually planning to pay for parking because you don't think anyone will go into your friend's apartment (where you usually park for free) gate at 6:15 am, therefore you can't tailgate a car in (because you don't have the code to get in, you have to call the friend to open the gate and you don't want your friend to hate you for calling her at 6:15 am), but when you pass the apartment you actually see a car turning into the complex, meaning you can get in and actually park for free! Suuuuhweeeeet!
And you also know you can finally have a break because you don't have exams for the next 3 weeks, meaning you can finally have back a semblance of your life that has been put on the back burner since school started. Case and example: I spent the weekend not touching any textbook and notes and I went to see the Duchess and the Secret Life of Bees. Suuuhhhweeeeeeet!
So as Kate's license plate says, my life, for the time being, is SUHWEET!!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
SERIOUSLY??!!
Like I don't have enough with the test anxiety this morning, I just had to fall down the stairs this morning as I was leaving my house. The universe hates me. What have I done to you, oh dear mighty universe, to have incur this wrath of yours??!!
Because really, I was already freaked out enough about the exam, and I was going the last half of the stairwell when I suddenly tripped, landed on my shins, proceeded to sled uncontrollably down the stairs, and in the process managed to bang my right wrist. Apparently nursing school has caused me an altered motor function or something, because I wasn't even wearing heels! I was wearing flats as flat as a Tanner II breast! Now I have a 4 cm ecchymosis on my wrist (on the carpometacarpal joint site to be exact) that is tender to touch and slightly edematous. *grumbles*
Needless to say, after being a little shaken after the tumble, I went to school and took the exam. Let me just say that faculty should just hand us Lorazepam as they hand out the exam, because really, we all need an antianxiety this semester. Anyway, I passed the test with a higher than expected grade.
I know what you're thinking, and I'm telling to stop because no! While you may think there's a correlation between falling down the stairs before exam and making a higher grade, I am not planning to to fall on anymore stairs anywhere. Unless the universe thinks I'm a child of Chucky or something that it feels the need to send me tumbling again.
Dear universe,
I'm nice. I'm kind. I help people. I try to recycle. I try to be mindful to the environment. Please give me a break. Please don't send me tripping and falling anymore. Please don't fail my exams. I promise I'll be even nicer, like do more volunteer work nice or pet Cookie the dog more kind of nice. Capiche?
Kthanxbye.
Because really, I was already freaked out enough about the exam, and I was going the last half of the stairwell when I suddenly tripped, landed on my shins, proceeded to sled uncontrollably down the stairs, and in the process managed to bang my right wrist. Apparently nursing school has caused me an altered motor function or something, because I wasn't even wearing heels! I was wearing flats as flat as a Tanner II breast! Now I have a 4 cm ecchymosis on my wrist (on the carpometacarpal joint site to be exact) that is tender to touch and slightly edematous. *grumbles*
Needless to say, after being a little shaken after the tumble, I went to school and took the exam. Let me just say that faculty should just hand us Lorazepam as they hand out the exam, because really, we all need an antianxiety this semester. Anyway, I passed the test with a higher than expected grade.
I know what you're thinking, and I'm telling to stop because no! While you may think there's a correlation between falling down the stairs before exam and making a higher grade, I am not planning to to fall on anymore stairs anywhere. Unless the universe thinks I'm a child of Chucky or something that it feels the need to send me tumbling again.
Dear universe,
I'm nice. I'm kind. I help people. I try to recycle. I try to be mindful to the environment. Please give me a break. Please don't send me tripping and falling anymore. Please don't fail my exams. I promise I'll be even nicer, like do more volunteer work nice or pet Cookie the dog more kind of nice. Capiche?
Kthanxbye.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Imagery.
All I want to do right now is be where all I hear is the rhythmic whir of waves coming onto the beach and the wind smells of the ocean, and when I collapse from this exhaustion, the sand feels soft and warm. I see crystal blue water as far as my eyes can take me, and under the hood of the palm leaves covering my face from the shining sun and with the cool breeze shielding me from the heat, I would doze of to sleep, oh yes I would. Those muscle kinks from hours of sitting down studying and standing on my feet in clincials will relax, and all thoughts of exams, care plans, med sheets, classrooms, and hospitals will go to the land far far away. Oh how life is good, I would think to myself as I drift to a deep sleep.
But suddenly, I was awaken by the deafening sound of a child's scream. A tourist kid who's been playing quietly in the sand got his toe bitten by a crab. Just as I entered back to the conscious world, I'd tell myself it must have been sucked to be that kid. But then I realized my life sucks too because I remember yesterday I had filled up my gas tank early in the morning before clinical paying $3.19/gallon only to find out by the time I got out of clinical 13 hours later, gas was $2.99/gallon at the very same gas station.
Sorry kid, life is tough, at least you're not losing your toe. I, on the other hand, might as well lose my mind because after feeling like I've been beaten down for 3 weeks in the row from studying after studying for exam after exam and clinical after clinical, I still won't get a break to catch my breath until next Sunday because I have Peds exam #2 Monday, a Computer Literacy exam, process recording, and Psych care plan due Tuesday, a Peds care plan and 3-11 pm Psych clinical Wednesday, a possible 7a-7p Adult clinical Thursday, another 3-11 pm Psych clinical Friday, and a 7a-7p Peds clinical Saturday.
I thought last semester was bad, I thought after that was over this semester will be better and I'll have more free time. Hahahhaha hahahhah free time hahhaha. NO.
How do people make it out of nursing school alive with their sanity intact??!!! I need to know of this secret. I feel like I've been pushed to a territory of tiredness and chaos I never know existed. I'm running on fumes these days.
Oh my beach, crystal blue water, ocean breeze, and palm tree--without a crab bitten screaming kid of course--where be you?
But suddenly, I was awaken by the deafening sound of a child's scream. A tourist kid who's been playing quietly in the sand got his toe bitten by a crab. Just as I entered back to the conscious world, I'd tell myself it must have been sucked to be that kid. But then I realized my life sucks too because I remember yesterday I had filled up my gas tank early in the morning before clinical paying $3.19/gallon only to find out by the time I got out of clinical 13 hours later, gas was $2.99/gallon at the very same gas station.
Sorry kid, life is tough, at least you're not losing your toe. I, on the other hand, might as well lose my mind because after feeling like I've been beaten down for 3 weeks in the row from studying after studying for exam after exam and clinical after clinical, I still won't get a break to catch my breath until next Sunday because I have Peds exam #2 Monday, a Computer Literacy exam, process recording, and Psych care plan due Tuesday, a Peds care plan and 3-11 pm Psych clinical Wednesday, a possible 7a-7p Adult clinical Thursday, another 3-11 pm Psych clinical Friday, and a 7a-7p Peds clinical Saturday.
I thought last semester was bad, I thought after that was over this semester will be better and I'll have more free time. Hahahhaha hahahhah free time hahhaha. NO.
How do people make it out of nursing school alive with their sanity intact??!!! I need to know of this secret. I feel like I've been pushed to a territory of tiredness and chaos I never know existed. I'm running on fumes these days.
Oh my beach, crystal blue water, ocean breeze, and palm tree--without a crab bitten screaming kid of course--where be you?
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