Mission Impossible.

I think it is just futile for me to sit in 3 hours lecture, especially the afternoon lecture on Monday.

Not. getting. anything. in.

45 30 minutes in and I'm already antsy and bored out of my mind. I can visualize all this information coming my way, only to bounce off once they hit my giant forehead.

I think it's just because I haven't been in a classroom setting for 3 months, I was out and about this summer. Hopefully, I'll get back to the school mode soon enough, cuz ya know, paying attention in class is kinda crucial to my passing the tests and all that important thing.

The good thing is I'm not falling asleep, but still, I need help. Focus, Cee, focus!!!

New York from my eyes.

It's only fair that I post some pictures from my summer in New York.

Let's start with the picture that is perhaps my favorite picture that I took this summer.

Brooklyn Bridge and Lower Manhattan from DUMBO.


Bryant Park, taken with my camera phone.


Union Square from the second floor of Whole Foods, taken with my camera phone.


Times Square.


Fifth Avenue.


My favorite piece from the rooftop garden at the Metropolitan Museum, taken with my camera phone.


The rooftop garden at the Met, taken with my camera phone.


Coney Island, taken with my camera phone.


A piece outside of MoMA (Museum of Modern Art), taken by my friend.


the Sculpture garden at MoMA.


Central Park, taken with my camera phone.


Where we went kayaking on the Hudson River.


My roommate took this view of the city as she was on the kayak.


Riverside Park on the Upper West Side, I believe they used this location to film You've Got Mail.

Next time I'll post pictures from my Boston and Washington D. C. trips.

Reflecting.

The internship, I miss it. As I started my Child Health (Peds) class this semester, I realized just how much I'd learned over the summer. Even when, at the time, I complained that it was unfortunate that we as interns were limited in what we were allowed to do. Now, I saw just how much knowledge I've gained by doing what were seemingly trivial tasks over this summer.

Those urines I dip and how to get them out of diapers, keeping track of I&O's and the importance behind it, checking on IV's every hour and keeping track of those numbers, monitoring those vitals during conscious sedation, the little tricks you use with children to get them to cooperate with you, getting blood from those central lines. They all came rushing back to me, and when my instructors lecture or showing us things in the lab, they make an absolutely perfect sense. And once again, I am humbled to be where I was this summer.

The floor I interned at receives Hematology/Oncology patients, so a lot of the children that I've taken care of are frequent fliers or regular costumers, which means they stay on the unit for a long period of time and/or frequently return for treatment. As a result, the staff get to know them and their family pretty well and vice versa. There is not a day that has gone by since I ended my internship that I don't think about those "regular costumers".

How are they responding to their treatment? Have N & M lost their hair? Is P still scared when it's time to change his port-a-cath needle? Is G still refusing his meds? Has R finished her round of chemo? How are they and their family coping? Is Y home by now? I hope her count stays up. I hope C's bone marrow transplant goes well. I hope none of them relapses....

My heart breaks for them, for what they have to go through. I used to read their charts in the lounge, then I'd watch from the window in the corner, out to the green of Central Park across the street. A playground was there, swings, slides, monkey bars, you name it, and everyday I watched as kids filter through that playground throughout all hours of the morning and afternoon, wishing the kids I had on the unit could do the same. I'd take a long sigh and get back to work, saying a little prayer as I pass each room for them to get better a little sooner.

Yet in all of this, I've found great courage. Cliche to say that, but it couldn't be more true. For two days I watched as one family broke down as their 3 year old was diagnosed with Leukemia, but in the days afterward I watched them gathered every strength they had to pull through. They took in every ounce of information the doctors tell them--treatments, procedures, side effects, risks, prognosis, asked questions, and clang to every hope. They braved procedures that they have never heard before--lumbar puncture, bone marrow aspirate, port-a-cath insertion--and one they've heard but never thought would exist in their family--chemotherapy--being done on their tiny child. They held their child's hands and soothed their child through every vitals, labs, and meds with "It's okay, it's okay. It's gonna be okay." Sometimes, I even think they said those words to assure themselves too.

Those children, they're bravery and courage personified. As angry as they might have been, as scared as they might been, as rebellious as they might have been against all of these diseases, they manage. They just do. Somehow, along the way, they find a way to cope, to accept, to fight, and a reason to live. Every so often I'd come across charts so thick with health history, full of conditions so foreign to me, I had to google as I read those charts, and every so often afterward, I've found myself dumbfounded as to how they find the strength to go through all of that for years and years. My hat is off to them.

I really do miss those kids. Baby D, unaware of the how sick he really is, moving his head happily when you play his music toys as you take his vitals. Little N, the little tod, screaming bloody murder at everything and anything done to him, but once in a while when you're just checking on him throughout the day, he'd show you what game he's playing, he'd smile and you'd forget an hour ago he was kicking all four limbs as you and your nurse restrain him down for an oral med. R, in her early teen, as sweet as she can be, letting me draw my first central line blood from her even though she's very particular about her line. S, who came in for a sickle cell crisis, was quiet as a rock, but once she talked 50 mph with her 5 year old imagination, you knew she was no longer in pain and she was going home soon.

With this experience, I look forward to my Peds clinical this semester. I love working with children, they are a source of inspiration.

Senior year, it has begun.

Okay, I'm really bad at updating blog. Really bad. I haven't gotten a chance to write a proper blog about my New York experience yet, so far it has been lists, and I don't feel like it's a proper enough post. And then there is thing called the Senior year that had just started. Um, gooodbye summer break....

The Senior year, the last year, the time frame that will determine if I will add an "RN" behind my name at the end of this period. Quite scary, I say. I couldn't believe that it is finally here, this senior year, I feel it was just yesterday I was sending out applications. Wasn't it just recently that nursing school was just a dream and now I am halfway through? Now, it's time to gear up for the HESI and NCLEX, wait wait...hold up, HESI?! NCLEX?! Jeez...really?! Already?! I have no idea where time went.

So senior year, I am a week and two days into in. As usual, the first 3 weeks of the new semester is like "Well hello, INFORMATION OVERLOAD!!!" *thuds*, because you're either sitting in lectures in your scheduled class times or you're in lecture or lab 9-5 on the days you're not supposed to be in class, but they make you to because you don't have clinicals yet and they don't like to see you having 3 off days because they're mean like that.

I'm kidding, they're not mean. Okay, maybe a little mean. Point is, we're always exhausted, grumpy, and whiny, and it's only the second week. And to think we still have 4 more months of this. Le sigh....

Today, we sat through a 9-5 Psych lectures. Maaaan, was I Miss Antsy Mcpantsy after only the first hour.... Tomorrow is another 9-5, but at least it's a lab, we get to walk around, play with equipments, and poke each other. Hooray. Oh the sound of excitement...not.

Speaking of clinicals, I have sucky clinicals days. SUCKY, I tell you. A Wednesday (Adult), a Friday (Peds), a Saturday (Psych), I am none to happy. What upsets me the most is that my dear mother is coming from my home country and I had this plan to take her somewhere on weekends that I am not bombarded with school works--these weekends are rare commodities but they do exist once in a bluemoon. However, I am now left with only Thursday and Sunday off. I'm pretty much stuck until Thanksgiving! Bah humbug....

On another note, my friend made this observation last week as we took the medication calculation test, a.k.a the test that you must get 100 on to pass, and if you don't make 100 in 3 tries then you're out of the program. So afterward, she said "Miss Cee, please be a little more nervous next time you take a test. What is wrong with you? Why are you so chill taking a test? It's making me more nervous, at least pretend you're nervous!" It appears whatever calming method I was using worked a little to well perhaps.

And the next day she said, "You look so dainty today with that top you're wearing. Looking like a New Yorker already." Wha? Am I not wrong when I said that you usually hear a New Yorker described as an all black, ice queen, no non-sense kinda thing? But dainty? Who would've thunk?! My friend, she said the darndest thing obviously.

Well, there you have it. Senior year, it is here.

Lists, they complete my life.....

Another list to compile the non-hospital related things I did--or didn't--while in New York.

-Everyday I walked up and down 4 flight of stairs to get to and from my apartment.

-My cooking ability is still not enough to be called "skill".

-I lint rolled the clothes I was wearing before I left the apartment, while walking to the subway, on the subway, and sometimes once I got to my destination. Those cats shed like there's no tomorrow. Damn.

-Speaking of cats, I cleaned up cat's puke once.

-During the 3 months of my stay, I have only worn heels one night. ONE, and a ONE inch heels at that....

-Holy a lot of walking, Batman!

-Bought many a flat shoes.

-Once, under the influence of an impulsive friend (you know who you are), I spent way more that I usually would on a dress. Like, 5 times more that I would. To this day, no matter how good that dress makes me look, I still cringe when I thought about it. What the hell was I thinking?!

-Gone out past 2-3 am on many occasion, which usually is unheard of when the semester is in session.

-Smoked Hookah for the first time. Did not like it.

-Went to the Met twice and to MoMa once and was surprised that I actually enjoyed museums more than I thought I would.

-Fell in love with the little boutiques in SoHo, even though I barely buy anything from them.

-Didn't see as many Broadway show as I thought I would. I only saw 2, shocking, considering how big of a Broadway fan I am. Why didn't I see more will remain a mystery.

-Kayaked on the Hudson River. For free! So much fun!

-Spent a weekend in Boston with my roommate and my friend. One of the best weekends this summer.

-Took a day trip to Washington D.C. with another friend. Another fun time.

-Until we arrived in East Chinatown area at 1 am-ish with no yellow cab in sight and only black cab drivers trying to woo us.

-The subway already looked scary enough for me when I got there earlier that morning, so I bravely took the black cab.

-And was scared shitless the whole way home. The driver was nice and my gut trusted him, but still you know, unregistered cab past midnight is nevertheless shady.

-Then I scared my roommate shitless when I got home. I had tried to be as quiet as possible, but right when I entered the room, the cat had woken her up, plus the light from my cell phone screen was on. There was some screaming alright....

-Went karaoke in Ktown and experienced the horror that is Korean background video as we sang. Nothing like watching bloody war video as you're singing a love song. Really....

-Walked the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan to Dumbo. The view of Manhattan from Dumbo was worth the long walk across the East River.

-Fell in love with the East Village. St. Marks, what would I do without you?

-Ate out a LOT and tried many a fabulous food and desserts, which is not conducive to said cooking skill mentioned above.

Speaking of food:

-Had a hotdog from the food stand on the street. It was like a rite of passage to New York or somethin'....

-Went to Serendipity and had the famous frozen hot chocolate. It was good.

-Went to had Japanese ramen. Great, but Samurai noodle in Seattle still wins by a mile.

-Spent an afternoon at Cha An teahouse in the East Village chatting with girlfriends. Good time.

-Went to this two super cool and authentic Japanese places, Oh Taisho! and Kyotofu. Gah, I love Japanese food.

-Went to Rice to Riches, a whole store of rice pudding desserts with a plethora of flavors.

-Tried the cupcakes from Crumbs. Overrated.

-Went to Max Brenner, the chocolate desserts haven. Can't get enough of it.

-Had a very very good Korean BBQ at Madangsui.

-Had Indian food for the first time at one of the Indian restaurants on the Indian street in East Village.

-Had the ever delicious soup dumplings from Shanghai Cuisine.

-Tried the hot chocolate soup dumpling from Rickshaw.

-Ate many a dish from my home country in Elmhurst. Yuuummmeeh!

-Took advantage of New York's Restaurant Week twice. First to Cafe Centro at the Grandcentral terminal, and second to Firebird, a Russian restaurant.

-Fell in love with Martha's Country Bakery across the street from my apartment. Everything there tastes delicious, like little pieces of heaven. Gelato, cupcakes, pound cakes, cakes, pies, pastries, you name it.

-I went to Coney Island and had an affair with a very yummy funnel cake.

Okay, enough mentions of food.

-Bought my first laptop.

-And also bought my first digital camera. Both with the money I earned from the internship. :)

-Met the cutest baby ever. That Kayla, she's all cheeks and rolls, a doll that one.

-My roommate and I, on our way out for a night in the city, went to her friend's apartment due to some rat incident. Needless to say, we didn't go out and I experienced the infamous New York rat-in-the-apartment story.

-Speaking of roommate, I had the nicest, funniest, most wonderful roommate ever.

-Went to my first Jazz concert.

-Stepped out of my comfort zone of being quiet and pushed myself to be more talkative with new people, however uncomfortable that made me feel at first.

-As a result, I've made friends with wonderful people. They made my New York experience all the more memorable.

-Over the summer, I've met people who are copywriter, graphic designer, clothing designer and store owner, model, music therapist, accountant, art director, Wall Street person, nurse, doctor, interior design student, food science student, media student, etc. It's like, wow, I've never thought I've met such a diverse group of people in one short period of time.

I'm sure there's plenty more that I did and didn't do, that I can't remember on top of my head right now. So for now, this is it. I'm sure I will still make some New York related posts for some time. I mean, summer in New York, can't write about it in a single post....

Well, hello there!

This blog desperately needs to be updated. I thought I was going to write more while I was in New York, but who am I kidding? I was out and about every chance I got when I wasn't working. I mean, it's New York City!

I am now back in the great (and hot) land of Texas. A lot has happened since I last wrote, so this is just going to be another update lists, until I find time to gather my thoughts.

• Summer flew by fast. Too fast!
• 
  
• I flew back to Texas one weekend due to family emergency.
• 
  
• My Grandfather was sick and eventually passed away.
• 
  
• I was there when he passed, but missed the funeral because I had to go back to finish the internship.
• 
  
• Speaking of internship, it is done. Sadness....
• 
  
• It was an amazing experience, one I would treasure for the rest of my life.
• 
  
• Now I am back, and I've been settling down into my new room.
• 
  
• When Grampa got sick, my grandparents and I switched rooms for an easier access for them since my old room was downstairs.
• 
  
• My cousins and I pretty much stuffed everything from my old room upstairs.
• 
  
• And I didn't have time to clean and organize in the short weekend that I was home.
• 
  
• So now I came home to a room full of things everywhere. I mean EVERY FREAKING WHERE, I can barely walk in that room.
• 
  
• It took me two days to get everything cleaned up and neat.
• 
  
• I am so tired, someone should give me a message.
• 
  
• And it has been so gloomy here.
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• Heck, am I not in Texas?!
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• Where is the scorching heat?
• 
  
• Okay, I'll shut up. Better not jinx it....
• I miss New York. A lot.
• 
  
• And this post doesn't make sense at all. Just be blabbering.
• 
  
• And now I'm gonna eat. Haven't had a meal since morning. Stupid moving....

Random.

There have only been a handful of times that the full moon is so beautiful I stop on my track to just gaze upon it, big--appearing so close to the earth--with an orange glow--the reflecting the sun's setting. Some people say stop and smell the roses, I stop and see the moon.

I'm in.

For the first time since I started this internship, I feel like a nurse, and I feel like I'm more than another PCA/student to the other nurses. For the first time, I feel like I'm a part of the team. It's not that the nurses aren't great or helpful because they are, but I just felt like they see me as a student or a guest, and I'm here to shadow to learn and do PCA things. Generally, I've felt like I was on the outside, I'd do vitals, I&O's, ADL's, monitoring, and little things they've asked me to do, but they don't really involve me in the what's going on of these patients. I think a part of it is due to the restrictions I have in this internship, I'm not allowed to give anything into the body such as giving medications or starting and giving IV's, so I'm already not in the "in's" of things to begin with. I do ask a lot of questions and find out about the new orders and what's going through the charts, but most of the time I'd find out later.

However, today was different because we had a situation early in day where my preceptor wasn't available to care for our assigned patients, and the nurses, with whom our patients were divided amongst, weren't familiar with the kids. But I was. I had been taking care of them since Friday, and I was able to give the nurses reports on their conditions. Today, instead of working with one preceptor, I worked with 3 different nurses. And since we were short staffed, I was mainly the middle person between the patients and their new nurses.

The nurses I worked with were great, they trusted that I knew the patients and family well enough they listened to me when I told them about the kids' conditions, or asked questions that the family wanted to know, or alerted them about any changes I noticed, and they relayed my assessment to the doctors. They notified me about a new diagnosis of one of my kid and the plan of care the doctors had set. One of them even had me to talk to the doctor and sent me in with him when he went to re-assess the kid while she went to care for another patient. I really felt like I was a part of the team and I'm not shy to say that I was able to step up to the plate and did a good job helping the short-staffed unit today, and boy, that feels good.

It was a really good day today. Now, after working all weekend--three 12.5 hours shift in a row, I am ready to spend Monday sleeping and not thinking of "Damn, that's a whole lotta diapers to weigh and dip...," or "Shit, another fever," or "Alright, P in room 42 needs a stool softener," or means of distraction to get a picky kid to eat so they can go home.

The name of the game.

With Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban naming their new daughter Sunday Rose (I mean, really, Sunday?!), it got me thinking about the names of the kids I've seen on the floor thus far. There have been some interesting ones, with out of the ballpark spelling of course, but none has really been a...you know, "Apple?!!" *headdesks* "Joseph Jagger Blue?! On a girl??!!!" *headdesks* kinda thing. That is until Monday morning when I encounter a set of siblings on the floor.

Obviously, I can't say the names, but let's just say that one of them was intended to sound like "The One", as in here's my kid, they're "The One". The one for what I don't know, the one you want to watch out for, the one that will cry the loudest, the one...well, it was a *headdesks* moment nonetheless. Then, I found out about Nicole and Keith's Sunday later in the day. My head hurt a lot that Monday.

Anyway, 4th of July was made of all kind of wins. I went to a rooftop party out in Brooklyn where we can see the famous New York fireworks. It was lovely. I hope everyone's 4th was wonderful as well!

The one where I wandered around the Cith by myself part 12534526342.

I've been walking around the City by myself on my day offs so far, just because the people I know here work everyday unlike me who only work a select 3 days. So off I go on my own adventure, exploring neighborhood by neighborhood, discovering places to eat and have desserts, all on my own. It's a love/hate relationship. On one hand, I'd love to have a company, but on the other hand I'm not sure I'll feel as free as I do when I'm on my own.

But anyway, that's not the point. The point is today I went to East Village, went into this vintage store, and fell in love with a pair of black pointy toed Marc Jacobs flats. It's simple, yet oh so comfortable and all kind of pretty--not to mention I have been looking for a pair of comfortable pointy toed black flats. It was love at first sight. But it also requires my selling a toe or thumb in order to afford said flats, 'cuz ya know, Student Nurse Intern + living in New York = poorer than a Student Nurse living in Texas. It's a tragedy.

In the end, I managed to muster up more self control than I thought I had. I begrudgingly take the right shoe that I tried on off my foot, stepped away from it, and out the door I went. My bestfriend E said, "Sleep on it tonight and see if you still want them tomorrow." To which I'm thinking, "Damn hell, I will still want them tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...."

Anyhow, that's about the shoes. Another thing is, lately I've been approached by people asking me directions. Twice today to be specific. And I actually knew the answers! Hah! Like "Broadway? Suuuree, that way," "Washington Square Park? Two block downs this way," "The hospital? Keep straight until Madison then turn right until xxth street."

Okay, maaaaybe the hospital thing doesn't count because I was wearing scrubs, so it was like I had a bright yellow neon light pointing at me "I'm a hospital employee! Ask me direction to it!" But other than that? That means I don't look like a tourist or a newbie anymore, with a subway map in hand, standing on a curb mulling with myself to jaywalk like everybody else or wait until the light allows you to (in which the conversation in my head between me and my adapting to the New Yorkers' way of life Self goes as follow,

Me: Go? No, no go.
Self: Everybody else is go.
Me: What if a car comes? I still need to survive, you know.
Self: But everybody else is GO! There is no car!
Me: What if there is a cop? You could get fined in Texas for jaywalking.
Self: Well, are you in Texas right now?!
Me: No...
Self: Exactly, now GO!!!!
Me: Alright, alright, I'll go I'll go....

There are many a conversation as this when I'm out by myself on the New York streets. And no, the other convos need not to be mention here).

Speaking of tourist, I was checking out Patricia Field's store (she is the costume director of Sex and the City for those who don't know) today and saw this almost replica of one of the dress Sarah Jessica parker wore in the movie. Then this tourist came by with a Sex and the City picture book or something alike (I didn't know there is such a thing as this memorabilia SATC book! Huh, something new to learn each day, eh?), and asked the salesperson--while pointing at a page in the book, which I'm assuming a picture of SJP wearing said similar dress--"This is the dress?" Of course, the salesperson--complete with a sigh and subtle eye roll--explained that no, the dress in the movie is a vintage find and the store only made a similar ones based on it. And so the tourist went away with such disappointed face I kinda wanted to laugh....

So that was my Tuesday of walking around the City.