Perhaps something deep this time....

“I’m a generally healthy person, which is why when the doctor told me I had a cancer I immediately told him it couldn’t be true. None of my family and friends that I know of have cancer, why me?”

I have yet to shake the face and the words of that patient out of my mind. I’ve seen these tall hospital buildings every single day for the past six weeks; in my head I know of what is inside. I knew of a wonderful woman who died of cancer and I’ve seen her in the condition she was in shortly before she passed. It should feel "normal"--however that feels--when I stepped inside Designated hospital for the first time last Tuesday, yet I found it overwhelming to see rooms with a post-op hysterectomy patient or end stage kidney disease patient who has 20 medications. Then I remember about the children’s hospital next door where little persons suffer too and it doesn’t get any more real than this.

Three months ago I watched a glimpse of a surgery on Discovery Health Channel—and Grey’s Anatomy, but soon enough I’ll be in the Operating Room witnessing a surgical procedure in person. Holly coolness Batman! That was my first reaction, but then I started worrying about fainting during a surgery, thus making a doofus out of myself. Then I thought about how my patients for the next 7 weeks aren’t people with a regular fever or a stomach ache or a broken leg, I’m not going to be in a doctor’s office taking vital signs and asking health history questions.

My patients for the next 7 weeks are people who recently have a part of their organ—or a whole organ—surgically removed due to aggressive and/or terminal diseases, and on top of taking vital signs, I may be putting in a Foley catheter or NG tube, hang an IV solutions, help them change positions on their beds, administer—and knowing—their medications and injections, recording their intake and output, and whatever it is that a first year nursing students are allowed to do—which is not a lot, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?

This is it, the grave diseases and disorders I’ve only known from books and TV’s are right in front of my eyes. I can see and hear them in the patients and their charts. I may be a student nurse, but the word ‘nurse’ is there nonetheless and I pray that I’ll be a great one at that. I pray that I’m sensitive to their needs, that I’m thorough and careful in my assessment, that I know how to conduct myself, that I’m pro-active, that I think fast and critically, that I am not afraid. Most importantly, I pray that I remember they’re still a person and treat them likewise.

As my friend, A, said with painful enthusiasm, “We’re gonna be damn good nurses!”

Amen, sistah, amen!

Ok, back to studying and stop using writing as an excuse for procrastinating.

Dang, that’s to many –ing’s right there…..

OK.

must.stop.writing.now.

Tuesday, I don't like you.

Tuesday in the life of Cee.

4 am
Wake up. Get ready and put scrubs on, only to take the pants off again because I put them on backwards. This is normal when you get dressed half asleep.

5 am
Bus leaves from the park and ride.

6: 10 am
Bus gets to the transit center near school. Put bag in school's locker, almost forgetting the stethoscope. This is also normal when you're half asleep.

6: 35 am
Meet with group mates and instructor at the school lobby. Walk to Designated hospital together.

6:45 am
Breakfast at McDonalds, which is located inside the cafeteria of Designated hospital and the children hospital. Yes, McDonalds inside a hospital--children's hospital nonetheless, go figure....

7 am-10 am
Group is introduced to the floors on which we will have our clinical for the next 7 weeks.

10 am
A hint of back and foot aches due to hours of constant walking and standing up. We repeat "we'll get used to this" like a mantra. We also understand the existence ugly looking shoes on the nurses and techs. "Maybe," we think, "Those ugly shoes are comfortable after all...". Thus begins the battle of holding on to your I'm-never-ever-wearing-those-ugly-shoes principle versus giving into them ugly shoes for the sake of your feet and back.

10:05 am
Group goes into a patient's room and watch instructor does an assessment on the patient.

11 am
Instructor sends us to our respective floors to gather information from a patient's chart and the Designated hospital's computer system, and eventually meet said patient and do a short assessment.

12 pm
Clinical orientation ends, "real" clinical starts next week.

12:30 pm
Meet back at school with lunch for a post-clinical conference.

2 pm
A bunch of us nap in an empty classroom while the other bunch study a few feet away. I question my decision to nap instead of studying for a second and decided that nap takes precedence to studying.

3 pm
Wake up from a hell of a fabulous power nap. Feel sorry for the aforementioned studious friends, they should have napped and ditch the books.

4 pm
Pharmacology lecture starts. Those who have clinical earlier in the day mutter curses.

7 pm
Pharmacology lecture ends. Those who have clinical earlier in the day appear zombie-like.

8 pm
Step foot in my room for the first time since morning, 16 hours earlier.

9 pm
Crash.

A little nerdy and a little stupid

That is how I feel when one week I made an A on a test for class P and the next week I made a C on a test for class A, though both are testament to how much studying was done for each test. Both were first tests, and I hatehate the first exam because you don't know what to expect. Obviously I was well prepared for the P test, then a lazy spell hit just in time for the A test. Darn.

This is week is the last clinical lab with the talking mannequins--yes, them high tech dummies do talk and it's creepy. Next week I'll start clinical at the assigned hospital, donning my scrubs and meeting real patients with the hope that they don't reject me, a clueless first year nursing student, for testing my newly acquired skills on them.

Cee: "Mr. P, I'm going to give your med through IM injection."

Mr. P: "But you're a student nurse...."

Cee (trying her best to muffle the deflating sound of her self esteem) : "Yes, I am."

Mr. P: "Do you know what you're doing? You don't know what you're doing!"

Cee (thinking this is quite true) : "I have practiced many times, Mr. P. No need to worry."

Mr. P: "You have?"

Cee (omitting the part that says all practices were done only to the creepy talking mannequins at the school's lab) : "Of course."

Update on the study partner thing:

I am glad to say that I have found study partners that I feel comfortable with, though there is a catch to this: there were only the four of us when we studied for the P test mentioned above and all of us made A's. However, for the A test the week after, three more people joined us when they saw us in the study room and invited themselves in. As you can see, this contributed to the C as well because I can't quite focus with six other people in the room compared to when there were only three other people. I haven't found out how the rest of the group did as we got the grades for the A test only recently, I do know one of them got less than what she got on the P test, though still higher than the C I got.

Perhaps finding the right people isn't enough to form this ultimate study group, thou must find the right people and the right number of people. Le sigh, my quest resumes.....

School, out!

In the last 7 days, the school has been closed twice. 'Tis fabulous.

The first time was due to weather. The forecast from the night before was not promising, so we got a notice that there will be no classes until noon. I had an evening lab for that day anyway, I just went to work at 12 instead of 9. Huzzah for sleeping in!

The second time was due to water outtage, not a single toilet in all eight floors of the building is restroom. Now you know you gotta cancel classes when it is after lunch and you've got students frantically scouring every floor for a working toilet, only to find all toilets were backed up and disgusting. Quote of the day was courtesy of a pregnant classmate, "If you ain't got any toilet, you've got any bottle or bucket or whatever for me?! 'Cuz I got to pee every 15 minutes, dammit!" You just can't go against a pregnant woman and nature's call.

And you know your social life is borderline non existent when you're happy that school is out not because you can enjoy the rest of the day out with your friends, but because you'd have more time to study for the Pharmacology test the next day....

Have you met these study partners?

The last couple of years of pre-requisite classes were relatively easy and I breezed past the courses with mostly A's, some B's, and only two C's. But this nursing school thing is new, it's unfamiliar territory, it's just what I need to kick my lazy ass up and going. Nowadays, I could no longer get an A on a test by "studying" the night before let alone without. I actually have to study, ya know, the one where the TV is actually OFF and the iTunes is low on volume--I cannot study in absolute silent--and there is a warning on your forehead that says "Beware, studying in progress. Bother me, and I kill you" and there is a thermos full of caffeinated beverage of choice.

And then there is this thing called study group which could either boost your self esteem or burst it. It's like a beauty pageant, "Oh my GOD! She twirls fire baton, pppfft, like that could win over my pantomime! Oh no she didn't, her teeth are whiter than mine!" Yeah, not pretty. Then, there is such trouble as finding the right study partner to avoid said beauty pageant-esque situation. And you don't want to have too many of study partners either, because then you'd be discussing which country the Brangelina will adopt their next kidlet from. Oh the dilemma....

It's a trial and error process and I have yet to find the right group of people to study with. Nevertheless, I have encountered these extreme types on my quest to find the chosen ones.

The Nazi
The one who quizzes you like you have done, oh I don't know, the crime of the century. The one who asks the question 100mph without missing a beat. The one who gets pissed if you even dare to ask for a repeat of the question and the one who will deem you unfit as his/her study partner.

Nazi: "DoctororderedTagamet60mg/dayPOover3doseschild'sweight50kgonhand200mg/2ml. Howmanyml/dosewillyougive?

Me: "HUH?! What..?!"

Nazi: "What do you mean you don't know?! This is someone else's life! Someone, take her away, she's dangerous!"

And down the drain goes my self esteem.

The Detective
The one who asks every.single.details. The one who interrupts if you miss one minuscule fact that even the instructor has told us not to worry about.

Detective: "Z-track."

Me: "Pull skin, inj--"

Detective: "How many inches?"

Me: "Hu-oh, 1-1 1/2". Inject 90 degree, aspirate, inje--"

Detective: "Where are your fingers at this point?"

Me: "Two holding the needle stable. Left hand aspirate and inject slowly, withdr--"

Detective: "You wait how long?"

Me: "5 seconds?"

Detective taps fingers on the table with stone face.

Me: "8? 9? 10?"

And further down the sewer goes my self esteem.

The Snob
The one who is so unreasonably nit picky about this study group thing.

Me: "Hey, K and I are going to study tomorrow before lecture, you wanna join?"

Snob: "K? Isn't that the one who sits next to you? Ugh, annoying."

Me: "Um, oookaay then...."

Snob: "But hey, do you wanna study with me and S tomorrow before lecture? S looks really smart."

Me : "Yeah, my dog looks really smart too and he's scared of a lion plush toy...."

The Easy One
The one who agrees with basically whatever you say, even when what you said isn't entirely true and you know it.

Easy One: "Asthma?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Fabulous. Emphysema?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Wonderful. Bronchitis?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Great, you're gonna make 100 on the test."

Me: "And the moon is blue tomorrow...."

Have you met yours? Or have you met any of these extreme ones? Or have met other extremes I did not mention here?

I am determined to find the right study partner(s) before my projected graduation date....

Nursing School

Today is my first day and it went pretty well if I may say so myself.

One of the new things I'm getting used to is that each of my Monday classes is taught by several instructors, so it's sort of this tandem teaching thing going on. The course manager of the first class reminded me of Stanley Tucci, the other instructor reminded me of Colonel Sanders, and another one reminded me of Kimmie Gibbler of Full House, then the course manager of the second class suddenly started teaching in a Russian accent. It was madness. But funny. And made those lectures bearable. And you gotta love instructors who throw candies to their students before they start their morning lecture--well, they might do that just because it was the first day and they didn't wanna bring out their claws just yet....

I am not fond of when my Assessment lab is scheduled. The day it is on is fine but the time, ugh, forces me to drive in to school instead of taking the bus, wasting my gas and money for parking. Hatehate.

So one of the instructors mentioned above admitted to the effort of arranging lecture materials into a rap, in her words: "I have yet to compose the rap and the beat, but in the foreseeable future I see myself do the (makes a kinda DJ playing the record movement) wiki wiki...."

I think the whole class was just about to die of laughter at a Kimmie Gibbler lookalike attempting what she termed "the wiki wiki", whatever that is....

And so it begins....

My life as a student nurse.

Excuse the crappyness of the picture, I'm a student who had just paid her tuition, too broke to buy a camera or a new cell with better camera.

A friend asked if I have lost weight upon seeing the picture above, giving me all the more reason to wear this ensemble everywhere I go....

DUNZO!

I am D to the O, the N the E with summer school with a B to boot!

Now I have been doing little to nothing ever since school is done (have about a week of break before a string of orientations and eventually the semester) and was actually quite confused of what to do with this oh so much free time. But fear no more for I have made a to do list, which consist of:

1. Get my car an alignment service and get it inspected.

2. Clean my room, it looks like my closet flew in and exploded there. Not pretty. This brings me to number 3.

3. Fold the clean clothes, it's been in the basket for...hrrmm a week? I think....

4. Pick up a new book to read, probably My Sister's Keeper.

5. Get my friend her long overdue birthday present, which brings me to number 6.

6. Wish my other friend a belated 'Happy Birthday' (what? I was busy studying...), which brings me to number 7.

7. Get Dad's birthday present. Don't worry, I actually remembered calling him on the day. This brings me to number 8.

8. Figured out where to have a my birthday dinner--a proper one--before we go clubbing and get trashed for the night....

9. Get up early tomorrow morning to take the newly-arrived-to-the-U.S. of A cousin to see the counselor at his school. Thing reminds me of number 10.

10. Call the student life office and demand them of my I-20. Damn, I would've been rich if I had a dolla' for everytime they said "It'll be ready soon, I'll call you." Apparently their standard of 'soon' is different than mine, I thought 'soon' meant within a week or two and they thought 'soon' is 3 months and going. Bah.

11. Figured out the time and dates for my three orientations and the CPR class. Yes, they're making me go to three, go figure. One for International Students, One for new Undergraduate Nursing Students, one is for something else I couldn't remember which is why this is on the to do list. Bah Bah.

12. Pay Fall Semester tuition. BAH BAH BAH!

That is all.

It's the cat's fault

If I fail this Patho final tomorrow, blame it on my cousin's cat. The cat decided that my notebook would make for a comfortable sleeping mat for him, so in he waltzed into my room and sprawled on top of my notes like nobody's business.

And what did he do when I moved him? He bit me.

That's right, people, that feline he is evil. I have five tiny bite marks on my arm and there are photographic evidences to prove this, now if only my phone would send these pictures into My Album online or my email....

No, I don't know why Michael Jackson sounds so girly....

There is this phenomenon that has been on full force ever since it was made known that I'm finally in a nursing school and is well on my way to my first semester. The phenomenon where people ask me all sort of medical related questions--and not just general question but specific questions about one's own poop or nipple or...well, you get the idea, all topic is fair game--like I'm god of all medical knowledge. Ask and thou shalt receive thy answers!

NOT!

No, I don't know why so and so said your poop shouldn't smell otherwise you're not healthy, the last I remember malodorous is the nature of poops. No, I don't know why your right foot is longer than your left. No, I don't know why your boob...bah I just don't know! No se, Jose! Je ne sais pas!

I am humbled that the friends and family think that I am the more knowledgeable person in that area, that they decide to direct their inquiries to me but by golly I am only a first year student nurse which more or less means I'm neither a walking medical encyclopedia ready to give you the answers to life your body nor am I Dr. Oz, oozing wisdom and confidence. I'm more like...clumsy and klutzy and clueless.

Then they have look of disappointment when I tell them I don't know, not like "Gah , you so stupid!" (at least I hope it's not like that) disappointment, but more like "Oh man, who else could I ask this to? My PCP?! No way, it's embarrassing!" kinda disappointment. To this I say, well there is always Ask Dr. Wiki or eMedicine or WebMD, but favorites of mine for answering those weird questions are Why Do Men Have Nipples? and Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? They are absolutely hilarious, I love it.

But anyway, then they'd turn to me and ask "So what do you know?" and I'd stammer uh's and um's and blabber about the weather instead, feigning my lack of medical knowledge.

I kid, I kid, I'm not that stupid, though I'm quite convinced I'm more knowledgeable in the trashy gossipy entertainment field. ;)