When you shout it in public for all to hear.

Best quote of the vacation.

Female: How is it that I'm retarded????

Heard at the Huntington Library/Garden

Back to the good ol' Texas tomorrow!!! I miss my bed.

Have you met these study partners?

The last couple of years of pre-requisite classes were relatively easy and I breezed past the courses with mostly A's, some B's, and only two C's. But this nursing school thing is new, it's unfamiliar territory, it's just what I need to kick my lazy ass up and going. Nowadays, I could no longer get an A on a test by "studying" the night before let alone without. I actually have to study, ya know, the one where the TV is actually OFF and the iTunes is low on volume--I cannot study in absolute silent--and there is a warning on your forehead that says "Beware, studying in progress. Bother me, and I kill you" and there is a thermos full of caffeinated beverage of choice.

And then there is this thing called study group which could either boost your self esteem or burst it. It's like a beauty pageant, "Oh my GOD! She twirls fire baton, pppfft, like that could win over my pantomime! Oh no she didn't, her teeth are whiter than mine!" Yeah, not pretty. Then, there is such trouble as finding the right study partner to avoid said beauty pageant-esque situation. And you don't want to have too many of study partners either, because then you'd be discussing which country the Brangelina will adopt their next kidlet from. Oh the dilemma....

It's a trial and error process and I have yet to find the right group of people to study with. Nevertheless, I have encountered these extreme types on my quest to find the chosen ones.

The Nazi
The one who quizzes you like you have done, oh I don't know, the crime of the century. The one who asks the question 100mph without missing a beat. The one who gets pissed if you even dare to ask for a repeat of the question and the one who will deem you unfit as his/her study partner.

Nazi: "DoctororderedTagamet60mg/dayPOover3doseschild'sweight50kgonhand200mg/2ml. Howmanyml/dosewillyougive?

Me: "HUH?! What..?!"

Nazi: "What do you mean you don't know?! This is someone else's life! Someone, take her away, she's dangerous!"

And down the drain goes my self esteem.

The Detective
The one who asks every.single.details. The one who interrupts if you miss one minuscule fact that even the instructor has told us not to worry about.

Detective: "Z-track."

Me: "Pull skin, inj--"

Detective: "How many inches?"

Me: "Hu-oh, 1-1 1/2". Inject 90 degree, aspirate, inje--"

Detective: "Where are your fingers at this point?"

Me: "Two holding the needle stable. Left hand aspirate and inject slowly, withdr--"

Detective: "You wait how long?"

Me: "5 seconds?"

Detective taps fingers on the table with stone face.

Me: "8? 9? 10?"

And further down the sewer goes my self esteem.

The Snob
The one who is so unreasonably nit picky about this study group thing.

Me: "Hey, K and I are going to study tomorrow before lecture, you wanna join?"

Snob: "K? Isn't that the one who sits next to you? Ugh, annoying."

Me: "Um, oookaay then...."

Snob: "But hey, do you wanna study with me and S tomorrow before lecture? S looks really smart."

Me : "Yeah, my dog looks really smart too and he's scared of a lion plush toy...."

The Easy One
The one who agrees with basically whatever you say, even when what you said isn't entirely true and you know it.

Easy One: "Asthma?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Fabulous. Emphysema?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Wonderful. Bronchitis?"

Me: "Can't breathe."

Easy One: "Great, you're gonna make 100 on the test."

Me: "And the moon is blue tomorrow...."

Have you met yours? Or have you met any of these extreme ones? Or have met other extremes I did not mention here?

I am determined to find the right study partner(s) before my projected graduation date....

No, I don't know why Michael Jackson sounds so girly....

There is this phenomenon that has been on full force ever since it was made known that I'm finally in a nursing school and is well on my way to my first semester. The phenomenon where people ask me all sort of medical related questions--and not just general question but specific questions about one's own poop or nipple or...well, you get the idea, all topic is fair game--like I'm god of all medical knowledge. Ask and thou shalt receive thy answers!

NOT!

No, I don't know why so and so said your poop shouldn't smell otherwise you're not healthy, the last I remember malodorous is the nature of poops. No, I don't know why your right foot is longer than your left. No, I don't know why your boob...bah I just don't know! No se, Jose! Je ne sais pas!

I am humbled that the friends and family think that I am the more knowledgeable person in that area, that they decide to direct their inquiries to me but by golly I am only a first year student nurse which more or less means I'm neither a walking medical encyclopedia ready to give you the answers to life your body nor am I Dr. Oz, oozing wisdom and confidence. I'm more like...clumsy and klutzy and clueless.

Then they have look of disappointment when I tell them I don't know, not like "Gah , you so stupid!" (at least I hope it's not like that) disappointment, but more like "Oh man, who else could I ask this to? My PCP?! No way, it's embarrassing!" kinda disappointment. To this I say, well there is always Ask Dr. Wiki or eMedicine or WebMD, but favorites of mine for answering those weird questions are Why Do Men Have Nipples? and Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? They are absolutely hilarious, I love it.

But anyway, then they'd turn to me and ask "So what do you know?" and I'd stammer uh's and um's and blabber about the weather instead, feigning my lack of medical knowledge.

I kid, I kid, I'm not that stupid, though I'm quite convinced I'm more knowledgeable in the trashy gossipy entertainment field. ;)